Almost Lover
by Raven2609
Summary: RS Steph left and Ranger is left behind...what will happen to them? How will they cope? Will there be a HEA?  Stay tuned.
1. Almost Lover

Disc.: I´m just playing with the characters of the Plum Series by the wonderful Janet Evanovich.

I´m NOT making money. Any characters you don´t recognize belong to me. This disclaimer

applys for all coming chapters. ~raven~

Song: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

A/N: I re-up all chapters with minor changes. Thanks to cookie and rangergirl1234 my betas.

**Almost lover**

_August 17__th_

_Ranger´s POV_

_Play me_

Those were the words written on the note lying beside the Ipod in her apartment. It was the only thing left in the apartment. I silently wondered how long it had lain there, waiting for me. I had been in the wind for almost 6 weeks and just came back from the debriefing in D.C. I only wanted to take a look at her, to see for myself that she was still there. I needed to reassure myself that I was truly back...again and then crash at Haywood. And now I find her gone, the apartment empty, save for the Ipod, and an envelope with 'R.' written on it. Nothing made sense. At my last call in Tank said she was ok, rather occupied with helping Vinnie rebuild the Bonds office, but ok and off with the cop. That call was just 4 days ago, so what the hell happened?

Ignoring the Ipod I ripped open the letter...

_Dear R.,_

_Sorry, I just don`t know how to address you. Ranger is just too formal (yeah sounds funny calling a street name formal) but that was all I was ever invited to call you...And formal just wouldn´t do it anymore..._

_Anyway knowing you, you have skipped the song and gone straight to the letter, so I will try to explain myself as best I can, because the song is so much better._

_First of all, I want to thank you Ranger._

_Thank you for being there for me, protecting me, and saving me. _

_And I'm not only talking about saving my life._

_Thank you for encouraging me, believing in me and loving me in your own way._

_Thank you for teaching me about myself._

_Now comes the hard part._

_I love you R.. _

_I´m in love with you. _

_I want that happy ever after with you._

_Not necessarily the house, the white picket fence, 2.6 kids and a dog... just you._

_I know, I know your life doesn´t lend itself into relationships and I won´t make you change. You were always upfront with me on that and I don´t blame you that my stupid heart fell for you._

_The other man in this mess called my life, who offered me everything that everyone said I should want,...just wouldn´t do for me._

_Joe was a safe bet for me._

_He loved the idea of me, because I grew up in the `Burg and we had a history, so he tried to wait out my fit of insanity. He never realized that I`m not `Burg. But how could he, when I myself denied that all my life until I met you._

_Joe was a safe bet for you, too._

_Because I want a commitment and he offered that, you thought it would be better to send me back to him. And still you hated it every time I went back, even when you were the one who told me to go._

_And being the fool that I am, I went, because I thought it would be better than being alone._

_Oh, but how could I be with him, when I was constantly wishing that he was you? _

_And how could I stay here, seeing my heart's desire every day, knowing that you were so far out of my reach. There is only so much my heart can take._

_So I will go. This is a bittersweet goodbye but a goodbye nonetheless. I can´t keep playing this game between the three of us anymore, because in the end someone will end up really hurt. And this is something I won´t risk. _

_I don´t know what brought this moment of clarity on, but I will grab this chance. I only have one life, after all. _

_I have made my decision for now. I am leaving Trenton, at least for a while. _

_I don´t know where the wind will take me, but please let me fly. I need some time to come to grip with the fact that the one thing I want most in this life is beyond my reach. I need time to find the person that I have to be without you._

_Babe_

_P.S. Push the play button, please._

The sheet fluttered out of my lifeless fingers as the song played again and again...

_Your fingertips across my skin_

_The palm trees swaying in the wind_

_Images_

Steph walking into the Diner.

Eyes full of expectation.

_You sang me Spanish lullabies_

_The sweetest sadness in your eyes_

_Clever trick_

I imagine her sleeping peacefully in my arms, the first time I found her in my bed. Purring as she snuggled closer. Smiling.

_I never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

I see the stricken look on her face as I walked out on her the morning after our first and only night together.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_I should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

Memory after memory came back to me like a slideshow.

_We walked along a crowded street_

_You took my hand and danced with me_

_Images_

Every look, every smile, every touch, every kiss, every word flashed through my mind.

_And when you left you kissed my lips._

_You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no._

And I cried.

_I never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_I should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

_I cannot go to the ocean_

_I cannot drive the streets at night_

_I cannot wake up in the morning_

_Without you on my mind_

_So you're gone and I'm haunted_

_And I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that easy for you_

_To walk right in and out of my life?_

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_I should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

How was I to know; that outside in the parking lot, stood a lone figure looking up to the only lit window? How was I to know, that her teardrops were mixing with the rain as she turned and walked into the night.


	2. Lost

Song: Lost by Coldplay

**Lost**

_August 17__th_

_Ranger´s PoV_

I was shaking with anger. At one point last night my sorrow had turned into anger.

Anger at Steph for leaving without talking to me first.

Anger at Tank for not keeping an eye on her.

Anger at Morelli for not being what she needs.

Anger at myself for being the biggest fool that ever walked the planet.

I raced the stairs up to the third floor to the mats. I ordered my Alpha Team to be there to work out my messed up mind. I needed to get my emotions under control so I could operate again. Still in yesterdays clothes, I stormed through the doors. The gym was empty. My orders were being ignored. Rage took over in my mind.

I drew my gun and aimed.

The first clip went into the punching bag while the second and third went into the training dummies. But still, I felt no satisfaction. I grabbed a dumb bell and threw it into one of the mirrors. With a loud crash it shattered into a million pieces. Now, I felt better! A bench went flying next. Hours later I had the entire gym torn apart and had fallen into blissful oblivion.

~~~~~oooo~~~~~

_August 24__th_

_Ranger´s PoV_

I woke up to the beeping of a heart monitor and a large form sitting in a chair in front of me reading. It turned out to be Tank.

"Welcome back among the living."

"Ha-ha. Very funny." I tried to sit up but found myself restrained to the bed.

"Tank, let me go. Untie me." I ordered.

Tank replied with a simple "No," and continued reading. How dare he?

"That was not a request," I growled. How dare he to ignore my command?

Tank spoke in a monotone voice, still unphased.

"Until you have spoken with the psychiatrist, you are deprived of the right to make a decision. You yourself should know that this is standard Rangeman protocol after a mental breakdown." This was said in an almost bored fashion, never looking up from whatever he was reading.

Anger flared within me and I roared. "What? How dare you…"

Tank interrupted. "Calm down, Ranger."

"Or what? What will you do, huh?"

Tank smiled and evil smirk.

"See this little grey stick with the red button?" He held it up for me to see.

"If you don´t behave Ranger, I will push this button and you will take your third 48 hour trip to la-la land."

That quickly shut me up. I know I was a little bit out of control when I crashed the gym, but was it so much that they had to drug me for 4 days?

"Report?" I asked, hoping that my request would be honored quicker than my earlier demands.

"Today is the 24th of August. The time is 1500 hours. You arrived in Trenton on the 17th at 0230 and at Haywood at 1100." With a sigh of defeat he closed the book. For the first time Tank looked up and met my eyes and what I saw there shocked me to the core. There was anger and worry, but also disappointment and fear.

"You lost it man; lost it completely." He sighed. " After you destroyed the gym you fell asleep. We waited two hours to retrieve you. We wanted to be sure that you were deeply asleep. Lester suggested that we should use a tranquilizer gun, just to be on the safe side."

He paused, lost in thought for a moment.

"I wished I had listened to him. As soon as we entered the gym, you lost it. You fought us tooth and nail, screaming and swearing. It took me, Les, Hal, and Cal to hold you down long enough for Bobby to give you the sedative.

We brought you here and after tending to your wounds, Bobby decided to restrain you. It was a good choice at the time. The first time you woke up again you nearly broke the bed frame. The second time was better, but you still fought us. So we decided to give you another 48 hours.

Bobby called Dr. Anderson and he ordered standard orders for suicide prevention. For now, that means you are stripped of all firearms, knives, and explosives. Your private and office safes are cleared out, your access to all company safes are disabled, and every staff member has been advised to change the codes to their private safes as well. Your apartment is stripped of every potential weapon. Seeing as you are an Army Special Forces Ranger and knowledgeable in how to improvise under even the worst of circumstances, your apartment is practically bare."

Despite the severity of the situation I laughed.

"Don`t you think you have taken this to the extreme?"

Tank interrupted.

"I`m not done Ric." His tone was sharp and reminded me of my earlier days with a drill sergeant.

"You are restricted to the infirmary and your apartment, but only with supervision until further notice. Shifts will rotate between Lester, Bobby and myself. If you don´t agree to these terms, Anderson is going to file charges against you with the government and will have you committed to Walter Reed. And even if you do agree, it still can happen. That decision will rest with either me or Dr. Anderson, depending on your behavior. For now, everything that happened will stay here."

I took a deep breath. That's a lot more serious than I thought. And I know there was still more to come.

"Injured?"

"Nothing serious; scrapes and bruises. Mostly band aid level." I knew that this meant everything short of death was a possibility on that injury list.

"Me?"

"Same."

I raised my eyebrow in question.

"You have several minor cuts, a few severe. They are all over you but mostly on your arms. Strained muscles- mostly in your back. Two broken fingers, left hand. And you have a lot of bruises from fighting us."

Now that he said it, I noticed that my arms were heavily bandaged and I was wearing a cast. "Who knows?"

"Just the ones I mentioned. After your call I had the building cleared out. Hal and Cal were only there for back up and only saw what you have done to the gym. Bobby, Lester and I had the dubious honor of watching. Anderson saw the tape. The official version is there was a water-pipe rupture in the locker room and the third floor is now under construction. The four of us cleared out the entire floor. From tomorrow on it will be rebuilt and improved. But that's not your concern right now; you will just sign the checks."

He looked at me, daring me to protest and continued.

"As far as the others are concerned, you are still in the wind."

I nodded. "Good."

"Listen Ric, we´ve known each other for the better part of our lives. We´ve seen, done, and survived things that are beyond most people's imagination. I´ve seen men and women fall apart before, but you..." He stopped and waved his massive hands while searching for the right words. "You took falling apart to a whole new dimension."

I was shocked to see my best friend so distraught. We sat in silence, both lost in thoughts.

"Pierre, I..."

"Don´t Ric. Not now, not today. The guys and I have a lot more to say to you but that's a battle for another day. Your near future will not be pleasant. If you are up to it I want you to watch the video footage later. But first things first. Are you in pain? Need anything?"

I shook my head.

"Good. I gave the order that until you have seen Anderson I will be the only one with you while you are awake. Barring any medical emergency, you are stuck with me. I will care for you in every way, whatever you will need. But that also means you`ll play by my rules. Is that understood?"

I could only nod. "Why?" I had to ask. It was obvious that I really fucked up this time but there was something in his voice I rarely heard from him or my men.

It took a long time for him to answer. His voice was almost too low to hear and full of pain.

"Because you are my brother, Ric. Always were. You always will be."

I looked at him and this time I only saw honesty and love in his eyes.

Review?


	3. Still haven t found what I m looking for

Song: Still haven´t found what I´m looking for by U2

**Still Haven´t Found What I´m Looking For**

_August 25__th_

_Ranger´s PoV_

It is in the middle of the night. I`m still restrained to the hospital bed and my mind is racing a thousand miles per minute.

Shortly after Tanks harangue Bobby came in. He tended to my wounds, changed the dosage of the sedative injection from elephant to mouse and brought me broth and bread, without so much as a glance.

As he spoke to me, asking about my wounds and my general condition, his tone was professional but his voice was cold. It hurt me more when I was ready to admit.

Sensing my unease Tank sends me a look that clearly said:

_`If you want to see a another day you better keep your big mouth shut.`_

It wasn´t the first time Tank had to care for me so we felt in an easy routine as he spoon-feeded and bathed me and helped me with other needs. Tank, Lester, Bobby and I are a close knitted group. We always have and always will care for each other in every possible way without second thought or embarrassment. There isn´t much we wouldn´t do for each other. Being black-ops, doing unmentionable things, in the hellholes of this world, with no one but your comrades to rely on does that to you.

And I am honored that after all he is still doing that. Now even more so after I`ve seen what I had done.

To say I was shocked after I had first seen the footages would be a gross understatement.

I might have surrendered to the conditions they have tossed up on me, but now I glad for them.

I certainly won´t have been so kind. If one of my men would have gone so out of his mind, I would have shot him.

My face was contorted in rage as I shot the punching and the dummies. Every bullet dead center.

As I watch this I couldn´t help but to be proud. A short lived feeling.

I saw the desperation in my own eyes after the third clip was empty and there was still no relief. 11:18.02 am was the moment were humanity left me. After the first mirror shattered my eyes changed to black. A disturbing mix of white hot hate and evil satisfaction. My face was feral, canines bared. I roared and screamed at the top of my lungs, tearing my clothes apart. I was not longer Ricardo Carlos Manoso.

I was an animal.

Watching this from the outside it looks a lot worser than it had felt at that time.

This is the fourth time I watch the rest of the footage. Who would have thought a semi-conscious man could have so much strength. It´s fascinating, in a very twisted way.

I operated solely on automatism. I have still no memory of it. Let alone any emotion. It´s like someone had overtaken my body. Morbid.

I lay sleeping on the ground in the middle of broken glass, chunks of the walls and metal pieces.

My arms and upper body were covered in dried blood. As soon as Tank, Lester and Bobby entered the gym I was up, hand flying to my hip where my Glock is normally secured. Only to find the holster empty.

Immediately I retreated to the next wall taking a defensive stand analyzing the situation. I was on high alert. Bobby tried to talked to me. His hands raised, his eyes steady, his voice low and calm.

Trying to soothe the wild beast.

He identified himself and his companions. Name, Rank, Number. He told me he was unarmed and only wanted to take a look at my wounds. He asked if I was in pain.

From my position now I can tell I recognized neither him nor his words or Tank and Les.

And so did Bobby. He called for backup.

Ten minutes of intense fighting later they had me suspended to the ground. Tank and Lester each holding one arm down. Cal was kneeling on my back, Hal on my legs. Bobby applied the sedative.

Before I went limp I whispered one word.

_Babe_

„Ric? You should sleep." Tank mumbled the last days have taken a toll on him but I have to know.

„Pierre do you know anything about Step..."

Tank was out of his chair and towering over me in a heartbeat. Shaking with barely restrained anger he hissed.

„We won´t talk about her! Not now! She is alive and healthy. Be content with it!"

He pushed the red button three times and off I was to lalaland again.

_A/N: Uff that was a hard one. Sorry that it is so short but it wasn´t easy for me to write. Some years ago I was in a similar situation like Ranger and well... that wasn´t easy times..._

_Hit the button please. I need it._


	4. With a little help from my friends PI

Song: With a little help from my friends the Bon Jovi version

**With A Little Help From My Friends**

**(Part 1)**

_August 25__th_

_Ranger´s PoV_

When I woke up this morning, well late this morning, the tension was still palpable in the air. Tank didn´t said a word more to me than necessary. I tried to get him to talk to me. I even ordered him to but to no avail. I think in my fit of... whatever, I've lost my touch. I have no idea why he avoids me or why he became so angry after I mentioned Steph but it doesn't bode well. He had warned me that the next few days will be no walk in the park. And it is obvious that he knows something. It really bothers me that my friends aren't willing to talk with me. I have an uneasy feeling in my guts...I can only hope it isn't too late.

After breakfast he introduced me to Dr. Anderson.

Dr. Anderson is a tall, thin man in his early sixties with white hair and grey attentive eyes. A minute or two he just stood at the end of my bed and looked at me. Apparently satisfied with what he saw, he nodded and said:

"I believe we don't need the restraints any longer." He freed my hands and took a seat.

"Thank you," I said with real gratitude. I rubbed my wrists and sat up. Flexing my arms and legs the best I could, but what I really wanted was to get up and take a few steps so I can feel at home in my body again. Alas, not knowing this man and what I have to expect, I was cautious. I dared not to do anything what would have the cavalry rushing in. I'm not stupid, this might be a confidential conversation but nevertheless, it will be monitored.

Sensing my unease Anderson said, "Relax Mr. Manoso. Feel free to walk around. I want you to be comfortable."

He gave me a few moments to sort myself out. Meanwhile, he rearranged the armchairs and the coffee table and brought in a trolley with refreshments: Coffee, herbal tea, water, small sandwiches, fresh fruits and two dishes of flan. Seeing the flan had me almost in tears. I don't allow myself this treat very often and I know it's difficult to make so I was very touched that Ella thinks I still deserve it. Maybe there is hope.

Anderson served himself a coffee and waited patiently for me to join him. I busied myself with preparing my tea. I inhaled a deep breath and gave into the inevitable.

"Tell me, how you are feeling Mr. Manoso?" His tone was calm and genuinely interested. Relaxed posture, legs crossed, hand folded around his cup. He seems like a nice grandfather.

"Good." I answered automatically.

"Mr. Manoso let me set some ground rules."

Suddenly, his whole demeanor changed in a very subtle way. His spine a little stiffer, his chin a little more raised, his voice a little harder. He sounded like my former C.O. It had me at attention immediately. Literally. After almost twelve years in the army it was second nature to me to react in this way.

I have clearly underestimated him.

"First, when I ask you a question you will answer in all honesty and to the best of your knowledge. Second, you are not to question my reasons or motives. And third, you are to think for yourself. You will have to work for your answers. They won't be served on a silver platter. Do we have an understanding?"

"Yes, sir."

"Fine. Now, take a seat and try again." I sat down and took a sip from my tea.

"Physically I´m a little sore, the stitches are itching but nothing serious. Emotionally however..."

I shrugged. I was lost for words.

"Take your time. Listen to yourself."

"It's just so fucked up. I don't know. I'm not good with emotions. No that's not quite right. I'm not good with these emotions. I have no clue how to say this."

I hate it when I sound so weak. I stopped being weak a long time ago.

_`Get a grip, Manoso,`_ I scowled at myself.

"I…"

"Stop!" He interrupted. "What was on your mind just a second ago?"

I stood up and turned to the window. I don't want to see his disappointment.

"That I sound weak. And I hate it." I snarled.

"Turn around, Mr. Manoso."

"Arg. Call me Ranger already. Mister Manoso sounds like I'm my father."

"No, thank you. I will stick with Mr. Manoso. Now turn around and look at me."

I really, really don't want to look at him. Sighing in defeat, I did as I was told. And what I saw surprised me. His face was neutral; only professional interest.

"It's not my business to judge you or your behavior."

"Yeah?" This man is getting on my nerves. I was agitated so I started to pace.

"As far as I understand, you have the power to give me my life back or to let me rot in hell."

"Not exactly."

"Not exactly. What is that supposed to mean?" I all but roared.

"I am stripped of my rights, my guns…"

"Mr. Manoso p-"

"…confined to this room and…"

"Mr. Manoso!"

"...MY BARE APPARTMENT. MY FRIENDS AVIOD ME LIKE THE PLAQUE. OH, THEY ARE PISSED ALRIGHT. GRANTED, I HAVE REALLY FUCKED UP THIS TIME BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE, THEY KNOW THEY CAN TALK TO ME. THEY CAN EVEN ORDER ME TO THE MATS FOR AN ATTIDUDE ADJUSTMENT. LORD KNOWS I´VE EARNED IT. BLOODY HELL, I´M NOT A MONSTER I WON´T BITE THEIR HEADS OFF. DAMNIT. THIS IS THE WAY WE HANDLE THINGS HERE. YOU FUCK UP – THEY SET YOUR HEAD STRAIGHT. END OF STORY. BUT NO, THEY GAVE ME THE FUCKING SILENT TREATMENT AND SHIPPED ME OF TO A FUCKING SHRINK LIKE I´M SOME PITIFUL SISSY. WE ARE BADASSES DAMNIT. AND NOW YOU SIT HERE ALL CALM AND COLLECTED AND ASK ME HOW I THE FUCK I FEEL. WELL LET ME TELL YOU HOW I FEEL."

In my peripheral vision I registered that Anderson made a shooing gesture at someone but I couldn't care less. It felt so good to get this off my chest at last, so I ranted on. Pacing, screaming, arms waving and all.

"FIRST, THIS TRICED DAMNED MISSION THAT WENT FUBAR RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING. AND THEN I CAME HOME ONLY TO FIND HER GONE AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT ALL HER THINGS, TOO. AT FIRST I THOUGHT SHE HAD FINALLY GIVEN IN TO THE CONSTANT NAGGING OF THE OLD HAG AND SUPERCOP AND BECAME THE STEPFORDWIFE. I THOUGHT MY BEST FRIEND, MY BROTHER, HAD LIED TO ME. AND THEN I FOUND HER HORRIBLE, BEAUTIFUL LETTER. AND I CRIED. LIKE A LITTLE HELPLESS BABY. I CRIED! I´M A SOLDIER DAMNIT, WE DO NOT CRY. AND I FELT SO HELPLESS AND HURT AND LONELY AND I DESTROYED THAT FUCKING GYM CAUSE WITHOUT HER, EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS. WHAT DO I NEED A FANCY GYM OR SHINY CARS OR STATE OF ART FURNITURE FOR WHEN I COULDN´T SHARE IT WITH HER? WITHOUT HER MY LIFE IS MEANINGLESS. IT´S NOT RIGHT THAT SHE LEFT ME, NOT WHEN I FINALLY FOUND HER. SHE IS MY WOMAN... my woman."

I sagged to the ground panting. Sitting there for what felt like eternity, before Anderson spoke up.

"Better?"

I nodded.

"Good."

I dragged myself off the ground and into the chair. I grabbed a bottle of water and emptied it with three large gulps.

"So, Mr. Manoso, how do you feel now?"

I had to laugh.

"Better. Lighter. Clearer. Calmer. Not so confused anymore. More collected."

"Anything else?"

"Exhausted. Drained. Raw. Hurt. Vulnerable. Disappointed."

"Angry?"

"No. Not anymore."

"Excellent. Now, I want you to eat something and then go grab a shower. After that we will go for a walk. Wear something comfortable. "

I raised an eyebrow.

"Just do it. You have earned your answers, Mr. Manoso, and you will get them."

"We will go for a walk? Outside?"

He chuckled.

"Yes, outside. Fresh air will clear the mind, won't it?"

"So, I am no threat to others or myself anymore?" I was still skeptical.

"No, not anymore. Go now, Mr. Manoso, and take your time I will wait here."


	5. Goodbye my Lover

Song: Goodbye my lover by James Blunt

**Goodbye My Lover**

_August17th _

_Steph´s PoV_

I looked up to my old window one last time. I can imagine Ranger reading my letter and then, what…. I can´t imagine what his reaction would be. On a good day, Ranger is as desperate as me, realizing that he loves me, in the same way that I love him and not only in his own. On a particularly bad day he is be glad that the burden that is Stephanie Plum is lifted off his shoulders.

It's raining tonight. Oh, how cliché, but it fits my mood nonetheless. Heaven is crying, but why? Are they tears for a lost love or tears of relief? Stephanie Plum had finally woken up and buried her futile dreams. I don´t know, and in all honesty I don´t care. I turned around and walked into the night.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down? _

_Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? _

_'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, _

_Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. _

_So I took what's mine by eternal right. _

_Took your soul out into the night. _

_It may be over but it won't stop there, _

_I am here for you if you'd only care. _

_You touched my heart you touched my soul. _

_You changed my life and all my goals. _

_And love is blind and that I knew when, _

_My heart was blinded by you. _

_I've kissed your lips and held your head. _

_Shared your dreams and shared your bed. _

_I know you well, I know your smell. _

_I've been addicted to you._

Lester waited for me two blocks down to bring me to JFK. He is a good friend. All the Merry Men are. When Tank, Bobby and Les came over a few days ago they were worried because they hadn´t heard or seen me in two weeks. But they had heard about me. Bad news travels fast in Burg. Or you could call it good news but it´s all in how you look at it.

_Goodbye my lover. _

_Goodbye my friend. _

_You have been the one. _

_You have been the one for me. _

_Goodbye my lover. _

_Goodbye my friend. _

_You have been the one. _

_You have been the one for me._

It was both to my mother. I quit being a BEA so that were definitely good news. Being off with Joe permanently, not so much. The resulting fall out is something I don´t want to remember. It hurts too much. But it also made me stronger in my decision.

Mare and Grandma simply hugged me. We don't need words; they've known me all my life.

Vinnie said I was an ungrateful bitch with no sense of family, leaving him when he needed me the most. Ranting about how, from the good of his heart, he gave me a job when I was all but starved and homeless. Yeah, as if I didn´t have to blackmail him into it.

Connie and Lula were sad but accepted my choice in the end. Even if they couldn´t comprehend how could I leave Supercop and not go after Batman. And even go so far as to leave town. This talk involved a lot of screaming, begging and crying. They almost had me retreating, but I stayed strong.

Tank, Lester and Bobby surprised me though.

_I am a dreamer but when I wake, _

_You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. _

_And as you move on, remember me, _

_Remember us and all we used to be _

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. _

_I've watched you sleeping for a while. _

_I'd be the father of your child. _

_I'd spend a lifetime with you. _

_I know your fears and you know mine. _

_We've had our doubts but now we're fine, _

_And I love you, I swear that's true. _

_I cannot live without you._

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that they look out for me not because Ranger had ordered them to but because they consider me one of their own.

They came by last Friday and brought Pino`s and beer. My apartment was already empty, as I wanted to leave the next day, so we camped out on the floor.

"We know about your plans, Bomber." Well, Tank certainly didn´t see the need to beat around the bush.

"I´ve spoken to Ranger today. He will be back Monday night. Don´t you want to wait and speak with him in person?"

"Fuck, Tank! He will be already on his way. He hates it when something is not in his control."

I was halfway to the bedroom when Lester grabbed me. I struggled against him without much success.

"I haven´t told him anything, Bomber." Tank said calmly.

"What, but…." All fight went out of me and I let Les drag me to the floor again.

"I said, I have not told him about your plans. At least for now."

"You lied to Batman?"

He chuckled.

"No, I deliberately withheld information. You aren´t his employee at the moment and…"he sighed. "Don´t get mad, Steph but I asked Lula what´s up with you. It was obvious you were up to something. Well, we heard about the breakup and suddenly you sell all your things, bringing Skips in like your life depend on it and…we were worried so I asked Lula. She only told me, in no uncertain terms to ask you myself. So, the three of us decided to come to you first before we inform Ranger. But I will tell him if your reasons aren´t good."

"Beautiful, why are you running away?" Lester took my hands in his and looked deeply in my eyes.

"Has someone hurt you? Is it Morelli? Has he hurt you? I swear if he so much as touched a hair on you head I´ll kill him!"

"No, No Les it´s not because of Joe. I… it´s …complicated."

"Tell us Steph, do you have another stalker? Is it something else? Are you sick? Do you need money? You know you can always come to me. To us. Have we done something to offend you? Just… please."

I was crying at that point. He drew me in his lap and I poured my heart out. I told them everything.

_Goodbye my lover. _

_Goodbye my friend. _

_You have been the one. _

_You have been the one for me. _

_Goodbye my lover. _

_Goodbye my friend. _

_You have been the one. _

_You have been the one for me._

"So where do you want to go from here, Bomber?" Bobby asked me after I calmed down.

I shrugged.

"Wherever the next flight will take me, I guess. If it´s Siberia then so it be."

They did this annoying ESP thing and Tank offered me a deal.

"Listen here, Stephanie. You will wait until Monday before you go. I want to set up a bank account for you and…."

"Oh, no you will not." I interrupted. "Ranger won´t bleed any more money because of me than he already has. And more importantly, I don't want him to be angry with you for it. No way. I will not allow it. Besides he will hunt me down through it. I am not that stupid".

"Stephanie I. Will. Set. It. Up. Not Ranger or RangeMan."

"I can´t accept money from you, Tank." I whined.

"You can and you will! This is not negotiable." he growled and continued,

"How I see it is you are going on your own kind of black-ops and not a single one of us is going on a mission without back-up. Even Ranger always has his own back-up plans when he is 'in the wind'. You will travel under a cover ID and you will take an additional two with you for emergencies. You will get an untraceable cell. You will call in every Saturday evening to my private phone and ASAP if something happens. Let´s face it, Bombshell. You are a magnet for trouble, and we all will sleep better when we know you're as safe as possible. In return, we will do all we can to stop Ranger coming after you or keep him off your track. I won´t make promises but I will do my best. "

"Why are you doing this for me?"

Bobby heaved me in his lap and answered.

"Because you are one of us, little one. You always saw us for who we are and not what we looked like. You always defended us, you always cared about us and now we care about you. And not only the three of us, but all of RangeMan. We are doing this because we want to, not because someone had ordered us to. Ok, at first you were a job but you won our hearts all on your own pretty fast." They smiled at me and it warmed my heart.

"And because we are pissed at Ranger. We never understood the dynamics between you and him and Morelli. We knew you were special to him and we wondered why he never stepped in. You and Morelli are so wrong for each other. Alas, this is a story for another day as you clearly came to your senses." He hesitated.

"Well, I´m ashamed to say that we decided not to question his motives or actions. We were sure that he knows what he does. We thought that this thing between the both of you was only physical so we kept our noses out of your business. But after what you told us I really regret it. If we had known this earlier, we might have made a difference."

"Do you think I shouldn´t go?" I asked them, uncertain if I had made the right decision.

They did their ESP again and Tank answered.

"I think you´re doing the right thing. You are being pulled in fifty different directions here in Trenton. While your Mother and Morelli are always telling you what a burden and disappointment you are; sees the rest of Trenton you as a humorous distraction from their own boring lives. And Ranger isn´t exactly helping, either. Don´t get me wrong, I – we think you are a pretty good BEA. Your methods are a bit unusual and could be improved here and there; but your instincts are incredible and on top of that, you always get your man. Not even Ranger has your 100 percent capture rate."

"Yeah, in 90 percent of all cases I´m going by sheer, dump luck and for the rest I´m counting on Ranger to bail me out." I said sarcastically. He is right, I´m the entertainment not only for Ranger and the Merry Man; but for the whole town. Just peachy. Maybe I should never come back.

"Oh, Beautiful" Les took my face in his large hands and looked into my eyes. "Don´t do this to you. What this big oaf over there meant was, we understand that you are fed up with the situation here. And if you think a change of scenery will do you good, we´re all for it. Will you do me a favor, Beautiful?"

I nodded.

"Go and travel the world. There are beautiful places out there. Hm, when I think about it, maybe I better come with you and show you." He wiggled his eyebrows at me and was hit on the head by Bobby.

"Oi, spoilsport." He grumbled and rubbed his head. "Fine, all joking aside, we want you to enjoy your time of R&R. Just get your mind clear and don´t you dare to bother about the money, you have given us something much more valuable." I looked at him puzzled.

"Hope, Beautiful, you gave us hope." He sighed and kissed my forehead.

"And when; when not if; you come back, you let us have our wicked way with you and turn you into The Badass Bombshell Bounty Hunter." He winked at me.

We laughed at the mental image and Bobby said,

"Don´t fear, little one everything will be alright in the end. Sleep now we´ll watch over you."

Before I sank into Morpheus' welcoming arms, I heard him murmur.

"Ranger better get his head out of his ass. For her sake I will give him one last chance but if he blows it again she is a free agent as far as I´m concerned."

"Stand in line brother." Les agreed. "Stand in line."

_And I still hold your hand in mine. _

_In mine when I'm asleep. _

_And I will bear my soul in time, _

_When I'm kneeling at your feet._

It was time to say goodbye now. Lester saw my hesitation and took me in his arms and whispered in my ear.

"You are doing the right thing, Beautiful. Listen to your spidey sense, it's always right, so trust it. Trust you. I certainly do." And with a lighter tone he added.

"Now go. Goodbyes always made me go all mushy. I´m a badass; what will the lady´s think."

I snickered.

"Nah, we can´t have that, can we."

"Call me, Stephanie not only if you are in trouble but just to say `Hello`."

With a last kiss on my temple he let me go.

_Goodbye my lover. _

_Goodbye my friend. _

_You have been the one. _

_You have been the one for me. _

_Goodbye my lover. _

_Goodbye my friend. _

_You have been the one. _

_You have been the one for me_

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. _

_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow. _

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. _

_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

Taking a deep breath I boarded the plane.

~~~~~oooo~~~~~


	6. With a little help from my friends PII

**With A Little Help From My Friends**

**(Part 2)**

_August 24__th_

_Rangers PoV_

OK, they have my apartment stripped bare. I will not wonder how I possibly should kill myself with my couch or my barstools or my TV or my bed for that matter. No I only will be grateful that they left me a mattress and covers and my own clothes sans belts and shoelaces… Ah hell, they could have shipped me of to Siberia just in my non-existent briefs. It´s not that bad, I have slept in worse places after all. I turned to Tank and raised my eyebrow.

"Just followed the Doctor`s orders. Ask him."

"Who is he anyway? He clearly has a military background. Bobby wouldn´t bring a civilian in this mess."

"He is a friend. He is a former Ranger and served with Bobby's dad, after an injury he studied psychiatry and psychology. He specializes in Psychotraumatology and worked at Walter Reed until he retired. "

As he spoke he wrapped my cast with a plastic bag.

"That doesn´t explain why I haven´t met him, seeing as I haven't had the same shrink twice at a debriefing."

"He only works with real hard cases, as far as I know. And since you usually just glare at a counselor until he retreats, I figure there was no need for you to meet him. And now go take a shower; Ella will be here with lunch shortly."

An hour later, dressed in faded blue jeans and a white T-shirt, I felt a little more like myself. For the first time since I joined the army I wasn´t dressed and it annoyed the hell out of me.

I met with Anderson in the infirmary and we went down to the garage. Before I could even open my mouth to ask, Anderson explained.

"I figured you wouldn´t be comfortable strolling through Trenton unarmed so I thought we will go somewhere else. Bobby and Mr. Santos will follow us at a considerable distance. So rest assured, they have your back."

We climbed into his 2009 Volvo V50 and I asked.

"Where are we going?"

"That's for you to decide."

"I have no preference. Anywhere outside Trenton will be fine with me."

"You aren´t going to make this easy for me, are you?" It was more of a statement than a question, really, so I didn´t respond.

He sighed.

"What was your favorite place as a kid?"

I answered without thinking.

"The beach, I always loved the beach." I smiled at the memory of boisterous family picnics in Miami; long, lonely strolls to clear my head, but more importantly one lovely afternoon with Stephanie.

"The beach it is then."

Silently, we drove to Island Beach State Park and I was grateful for it. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander.

~~~~~oooo~~~~~

"I have met my wife here." Anderson explained as we walked to the beach. "Now, tell me Mr. Manoso, how are you feeling?"

My first instinct was to say `Good` but then I really thought about it.

"Numb, I think. Like I´m in some kind of limbo. Like I´m somehow separated from my emotions. Don´t know. Intellectually I know I should feel ashamed about what I have done. Angry even. Hurt about Stephanie´s departure. Like I was earlier but there is nothing anymore, just this emptiness and confusion. I´m at lost."

"Take off your shoes and socks." Anderson told me. Having learned not to question him I just did as I was told.

Silently, we walked barefoot along the shore.

In the first few minutes I anticipated a question or a comment from Anderson but he stayed silent. And once I saw Bobby and Lester I let myself enjoy the feeling of the wet sand and the cold water, the joyful squeals from the children and the cries of the seagulls. The longer we walked the better I felt, like the world centered around me again. Anderson said I will get my answers so half an hour later I decided to try my luck.

"What happened to me, Doctor?"

He looked at me and asked.

"Now, or five days ago?"

"Both."

"Which is the more pressing matter?"

My patience running thin; I growled.

"You promised me answers. Just tell me already."

"Oh, I certainly can give you a lot of medical terms you can google. You are an intelligent man Mr. Manoso, I have no doubt you will understand them but it will be only a matter of time until you will lose control again. And you will lose it again. Not today or tomorrow. In all honesty it could take years until it will occur and the outcome could be much more server than just a destroyed gym. Or I can make you really understand what happened and why it happened so you will be able to prevent a repeat performance. For that, you have to let me guide you. You have to trust me and follow my orders without question and have open mind. What will it be, Mr. Manoso? The easy way or the hard way?"

I gave myself a moment to process what he said.

_`Did I want that to happen again? ` - `No`_

_`Did I want someone innocent suffer because of me? ` - `Hell no`_

_`Do I have a problem? ` - `Apparently`_

_`Was I ready to face my demons? ` - `I have to if I want my Babe back. `_

I looked Anderson straight in the eye and said.

"The hard way."


	7. The Answer

Song: The Answer by Richie Sambora

**The Answer**

_August 24__th_

_Ranger´s PoV_

Anderson nodded his approval and started to explain.

"Without any diagnostic test I would say you have a Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and the trauma from your last mission combined with the unexpected departure of Miss Plum triggered a dissociation."

"But you're not sure?" I was uncertain PTSD sounds pretty serious and this dissociation thing wasn´t exactly encouraging either.

"No," he chuckled, "I'm pretty sure. It was my professional discipline after all." He was all business again as he continued.

"Mr. Manoso let me tell you a little bit about myself and my reasons for helping you. I served with Bobby´s father, Jack in the army and he was my best friend. I´ve known Bobby all his life and we stayed in contact even after Jack´s demise. He speaks very highly of you and is honored to call you a friend. But he was also concerned because you never showed any visible signs, that your missions had any effect on you. He told me you didn´t turn a blind eye on possible after effects and encourage your staff to seek help either by talking with you or a professional; you even issued an emergency protocol for RangeMan in case of a mental breakdown. Over the years, I became more and more curious about you, I even took a copy of your file with me when I retired two years ago. I made Bobby promise to contact me and only me, immediately, should you ever experience a mental breakdown."

I was too stunned by his declaration to say anything other than "Why?"

"Because you have an exceptionally strong mind and soul. You have endured horrors beyond imagination. I have read the reports of the torture sessions in Columbia. It´s next to impossible to walk away from this alive and yet you did; you saved yourself and your men; with your mind intact, nonetheless. I know what you did and endured time and time again in order to protect our country. In all my thirty years as a military psychiatrist I never met a man or woman like you. I always wanted to meet you and pick your brain, so to speak. You would make an exceptional study object. Of course, I could never use any of my findings, seeing that your missions `never existed`."

"So, I´m your personal guinea pig?" If he thinks for one second he could experiment with me, he had another thing coming. I´ve killed for lesser reasons. Sensing my growing anger he quickly went on.

"No, I apologize, Mr. Manoso. I got a little carried away. Of course you are not my guinea pig, quite the contrary. I feared the consequences if a lesser qualified `shrink` got his hands on you. During my internship I became intrigued with the long term effects of post-war trauma and so I specialized in Psychotraumatology. Over the years I learned that some soldiers, who were valid as non-treatable just needed something else. So I developed different and unusual methods to work with them. I might not have healed them but they were, at least, able to live an almost normal life."

"In short, I'm a nutcase?"

"No, you are a wonder, Mr. Manoso. By normal standards, after a mental breakdown, you should have experienced an episode of depression by now. You should lie in a psychiatric ward and be stuffed with anti-depressions and antipsychotics and not walking around on the beach. Instead, you instinctively use your ability to dissociate and we are going to use that to our advantage."

"What does 'dissociation' mean? You used this term before and it sounded like a disease and not like an ability. What is it, a disease or an ability?"

"It´s both actually. Dissociation is the ability of the mind to separate the consciousness from very hurtful experience or the memory of it. It is a very complex thing. Dissociation can result in Dissociative Amnesia, Dissociative Stupor, De-realization, De-personalization and more; but it is also used in the Psychotraumatology. In simple terms, rightly done it is a valuable instrument to analyze your behavior from an outside point of view and enables you to put hurtful memories aside until we are ready to deal with them."

"So, what are you going to do with me?"

"First of all, everything that's spoken between us is confidential and unofficial. Nothing will be recorded. Everything related to your black-ops I don´t need to know, we will only discuss the effects on you. If you need to, you can relate your experiences to a book you´ve read or movies you´ve seen. Over the course of our meetings I will combine different therapeutic methods like Psychodynamic Imaginative Trauma Therapy*, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, Somatic Experiencing, meditation and others, whatever will fit you. I will always explain to what I`m going to do or what I have done. Everything I do, I do with a reason, remember that. You have to trust that I have your best interests at heart. Are these terms acceptable to you? Any questions?"

"Where do we begin?"

"We already have."

I gave him a puzzled look.

"Mr. Manoso, what was the first thing I did after Bobby called me?"

"Restrained me, stripped me of my guns, cleared out my apartment, limited my human contact to Tank and confronted me with my actions."

"Why did I do this?"

"To prevent me from hurting myself and others."

"Why else?"

I shrugged.

"Why did I limit your contact to only Tank?"

" I have…" `no fucking idea,` I wanted to say but then the answer was suddenly there.

"Because you didn´t wanted to overwhelm me with the consequences of my actions. Not only the destruction of the gym but their anger at me is related to Stephanie´s departure as well. And you feared it could trigger a new breakdown. I still don´t know why she left. Well, I know why. I´ve read her letter, it was the trigger of my blackout after all, but I still don´t understand her. She had to know she could always come to me with everything, at least I thought she knew." I was becoming agitated again.

"Mr. Manoso, let's stay away from the topic of Miss Plum for now."

Easier said than done.

"Sit down, ."

We sat.

"Good, now close your eyes and breathe. Follow my voice. I – breathe – In – Out.* Repeat this in your head. I – breathe – In – Out."

I did as I was told and after a few minutes the tension left me.

"Very good, Mr. Manoso. Now, I want you to picture a safe within you. Nod when you are ready."

After a few moments I saw my gun safe before my inner eye and nodded.

"Good. Now picture every memory, every thought and every emotion concerning Miss Plum and put this into the safe."

As soon as he said `Miss Plum` I lost my grip on the safe, my breathing became labored, I started to hyperventilate. Immediately Anderson chanted.

"I – breathe – In – Out."

Slowly, oh so slowly, my breathing slowed down, again.

"Let´s try it again but slower. Nod when you are ready."

Nod.

"Picture the safe."

Nod

"Picture only one memory."

Nod.

"Put it in the safe."

Nod.

"Good. Now take an emotion."

Nod.

"Put it in the safe."

Nod.

"Again together?"

Nod.

"Take one picture and the corresponding emotion"

Nod.

"Put it in the safe."

Nod.

"Do you want to try it alone?"

Nod.

"If you are confident enough you can take a string of memories at once."

Nod.

"Nod when you are done."

Nod.

-Several minutes later-

Nod.

"Shut the safe now."

Nod.

"Lock it."

Nod.

"Come back to me and open your eyes."

I blinked at the sudden brightness and turned to Anderson.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Better, calmer."

"Good. Think about Miss Plum and tell me what you feel now."

I did and was surprised.

"I´m still calm. More distant, more controlled. Like I did before all this mess started."

"Congratulations, Mr. Manoso you have successfully dissociated."

"That´s all?"

"No, not all, but one way to do it."

He stood up and offered me a hand. With surprising strength he hauled me to my feet.

"What do you think, Mr. Manoso, should we proceed or should we take a break and continue tomorrow?"

With my mind clearer and finally getting some answers I was reluctant to stop now.

"I would like to proceed."

Looking at his watch Anderson suggested, "Let´s head back, we can continue under way."

I nodded in affirmative and we turned and started to head back to the parking lot.

"Mr. Manoso, what was the first question I asked you?"

"How I´m feeling."

"What happened then?"

"Well, I wasn´t exactly forthcoming and you pressured me on until I threw a temper tantrum like a three year old." I answered sheepishly.

"And?" he looked at me expectantly.

Not sure what he wanted to know I replayed the scene in my head until, "Fuck, you played me. Like the fucking strings on a fucking guitar, you played me." I cried outraged.

"Yes" he wasn´t even ashamed, "Now tell me why I did it."

"Because you're a sadistic asshole, who loves to mess with anyone's mind." I snarled.

That earned me a raised eyebrow. Now I know, why Steph found it so annoying when I did it.

I did the breathing thing and thought about it and how it affected me.

"You did it to clear my mind?" I asked uncertain.

"Very good, Mr. Manoso. When I first met you, you were all tensed up and very cautious of me. Quite understandably but I needed you to open up to me in order to be able to stabilize you. You are a very strong minded and controlled man, Mr. Manoso, trained at keeping your emotions in check and not to be ruled by them. You said your last mission was FUBAR and, as a result of that, your emotions where in an uproar. In your years as special-ops you archived you own methods to come to terms with it, whenever something doesn´t go as planned or whatever you did and saw. My guess is you stored the major part of that away in a dark corner of your mind and the rest you had simply beat out of you in form of extreme physical training and sparring. And I´m willing to bet my reputation that Miss Plum became essential to that, too. She anchors you in the here and now, right?"

I looked at me to confirm that and I did so.

"Well, there you were, already emotionally off balance; finding your anchor gone with no clue why. Your soul was hurt and you cried. Sometimes it´s the only thing to do, because tears are cleaning the soul. As cliché as it sounds, it´s true. It stabilized you so far, to proceed with your usual routine; you gave order to be met in the gym by your most trusted friends. You arrived at home still raw and vulnerable only to find your orders ignored, your trust broken and stripped of the only ability left to regain your control back. You flipped, plain and simple. Your conscious mind shut down because it couldn´t take anymore. It dissociated. It was either that or suffering permanent, irrevocable damage. Even suicide or a killing spree could have been possible."

"So, I was lucky after all?" I asked gravely.

"Yes, you were. You operated on survival instincts alone; that's why you fought the guys all the way down and we sedated you so long, until you were ready to come back. Sleep has an almost magical ability to heal."

We arrived back at the car. Anderson walked over to Les and Bobby and spoke with them for a minute, before he grabbed two bottles of water from the back seat. I was still unsure of how to face them, so I stayed at the Volvo and looked at my feet like a chastised schoolboy. Maybe it was because some deity took pity on me or because of something Anderson said but Lester called out to me, "Ric" and gave me nod. Meaning_: Glad to see you are reasonable again._ Maybe I haven´t done irrevocable damage to our friendship. I nodded back and sat in the passenger seat. Anderson handed me a bottle and resumed his speech.

"That breakdown and the following feelings of guilt and shame left you all confused and messed up. I needed to anchor you in the here and now again and separate you from the guilt.

Tank was the best choice for you; like you he has the same tight grip on his emotions and I was confident he would be able to interact with you without his feelings getting the best of him. Bobby might have been the obvious choice, being a medic and all, but besides his looks he is a very empathic person and was very angry with you. I was skeptical he could keep his emotions regarding you in check when you first awoke, so I decided against him. As for Mr. Santos, well, he is your cousin and relatives have the ability to run their mouths without thinking."

"They're still angry, aren´t they?"

"Yes, and several others too. You scared the shit out of them. But until I give the all clear, they will stay out of your hair. Back to the topic at hand. Seeing your tension I chose to let you `explode` in a controlled environment again. You needed to get it of your chest in order to think clearly again. So, I pushed your buttons."

"Don´t you think it was a little risky?"

"No."

It my turn to raise an eyebrow.

He chuckled.

"Glad you´re coming back to your old self, Mr. Manoso. As I said, you were in a controlled environment and I had complete control over the situation."

"Care to elaborate?"

More chuckles.

"Firstly: I have thirty years' worth of experience with patients like you. Secondly: This isn't the first time this has been done. It´s almost a standard procedure to get access to a difficult patient. And quite frankly you were pretty tame. My office has been destroyed more times than I care to count. Thirdly: You were monitored and a sedative was at hand. And most importantly: You passed my test with flying colors." He ended with a smug smile.

"A test. What test?" I´m pretty sure there was nothing to tick off.

"You responded, without hesitation to authority, like a true soldier."

It was all I could do was to withstand the urge to smack my head at my blindness. Of course, Tank and Anderson himself told me about his past as a Ranger, he knows how to analyze and control difficult situations with minimal effort and risk to himself and others.

_`Way to be aware of your surroundings, Manoso. ` _

"The rest was simple: giving you a little time to regroup, taking you to a neutral place where you are comfortable, ground you both physically and mentally and then go with the flow."

We stop at a red light and he looked at me intently.

"Well, I think that's enough for today, Mr. Manoso, you look tired."

We drove the remaining way, back to Haywood, in comfortable silence. I had a lot to think.

"Mr. Manoso we will meet tomorrow again at 0900; until then I want you to write down all the questions you have left. And I want you to practice the breathing and safe unit."

I nodded.

"Eat a hearty meal and rest as much as you can. No physical training for now. If you have trouble sleeping ask Bobby for a mild soporific. Goodbye, ."

"Goodbye Dr. Anderson and thank you." I responded with real gratitude.

On my way up to seven I called Tank and asked him if he cared to join me for a pizza. To my great surprise not only Tank but Bobby and Lester too, stood in front of me half an hour later with enough Pizza and Coke to fed a small army. On my raised eyebrow Bobby explained, as alcohol is a no go in my current state but they still needed something to ruin the temple, so they decided on that sickly sweet excuse of a refreshment. Well, payback is a bitch.

We ate and talked like old times.

It was balm for my bruised soul.

I was forgiven.

For now.

*I haven´t found the English equivalent to PITT (German term: Psychodynamische Imaginative Trauma Therapie) so I simply translated the name.

* Again a translation.


	8. Everbody Hurts

Song: Everybody Hurts by REM

**Everybody Hurts **

_August 24__th_

_Lester´s PoV_

Bobby and I walked about 20 yards behind Ranger and the Doc. Man, am I glad Ranger is finally talking to someone. Out of experience I know you have to spill your guts from time to time to stay sane. Every one of us had talked to a `shrink` at one point except Ranger. I know Beautiful sometimes calls him Batman; and I wholeheartedly agree. He was always a bastion of calm in the army and at Rangeman. So, these last few days really scared the shit out of me. Not because of Ric´s breakdown but because of the missing life in his eyes. All the subtle things that made Ric the man he is.

I´ve known Ric for all my life and seen him in every situation possible: I´ve seen him killing in cold blood and white hot fury and keeping his wits about him under heavy fire. Hell he saved my sorry ass in Columbia.

He was tortured for five days and never uttered a sound. He waited patiently for his opportunity to strike. Our target was Rodrigo Estévez, one sick SOB, a drug lord and human trafficker with a "soft spot" for little boys.

_The assignment sounded pretty easy: In-eliminate the target- eliminate associates- safe possible captives-destroy evidence-Out. Plain and simple. We have done this dozen times before. We were a team of seven: Ranger as our leader, Tank as his lieutenant, Vince, Hal, Ram as sniper, Bobby as medic and me. _

_Intel said Estévez and three of his cronies will be at the compound to inspect a supply of boys. His cronies will secure the parameter will escort him inside and then stand guard outside. We were told Estévez always arrives 1 hour earlier before a delivery is expected._

_The compound was located at a small clearing in the middle of nowhere; deep in the woods with only a makeshift road. The compound was built from cob walls, a thatched roof, no windows, two wooden doors, about 50 sq yd big no cords or generators and no phone. Our best guess was that he used either battery-driven lamps or oil lamps. We didn´t go in because we didn´t want to tip Estévez off in case he any means of surveillance we couldn´t see. We estimated two, maybe three rooms and no cellar. We arrived there two days before the targets ETA to observe; we don´t want any nasty surprises._

_We decided to act as soon as Estéves was settled. The plan was following: Ranger, Tank and I will sneak up on the guards and take them out silently. Meaning: breaking their necks. Than Ranger and Tank will go in front and I through the back, and eliminate Estévez. Vince and Hal will secure the perimeter while Bobby observes the road or tend to any injury one of us might suffer. In this case we will switch positions however it may fit. We´re flexible, the only positions that won't change are that of the medic and the sniper, they are our life insurance. _

_The operation shouldn´t take us more than 30 minutes. Then we´ll wait until the guys, who will bring the delivery, arrive and take them out with sniper shots as soon as they leave the vehicle. Bobby and Hal will take care of the kids while Ranger, Tank and me will clean up. Meaning: making the corpse unidentifiable and blow the whole thing up. _

_Ram was assigned to the hardest job, in my opinion, he had to sit motionless in a tree and provide coverage for us all; simultaneously watching the clearance and the surrounding woods for any movement. I simply love to be in the middle of things._

_Everything went according to plan. Estévez showed up at 1700 and went inside; his goons took a short look around. They stood in a triangle at the edge of the woods to survey the clearing; not a bad thought, if they would face the woods and not the shack. Stupid Fuckers. It was easy to creep up behind them and snap their necks. After we hid their bodies in the undergrowth we took our respective positions. I heard Ranger´s whispered count to three over the earpiece, broke the backdoor down and strode cautiously into the dimly lit room. My luck finally left me then; I felt a prick in my neck and darkness engulfed me. _

_When I came around again I found myself bounded and gagged; sitting next to Ranger and Tank to my left and Hal and Vince, still unconscious, to my right. FUCK._

_Shortly after Hal and Vince woke up, Estévez, accompanied by two heavily armed man, came in and asked who the leader was; the following `I` was the only word I heard Ric said for the next days._

_They brought Ranger in the other room while two other men brought four steel cases in, they were about 6´5 long and 3ft wide. FUCK. `Camera silens` A Room, box or tank used for Sensory deprivation. _

_Just shoot me now._

_The next days were hell. Turned out Estévez learn the art of torture from scratch. You had to admire him for his self-control. Never inflicting to much pain at once; he always gave us time to recover but never more than two hours of sleep a piece; the wounds he inflicted were deep enough to really hurt but never deadly; he even cleaned the wounds afterwards to minimize the risk of infection; when he beats us he was mindful not to injure the inner organs; he force feed us enough to survive but never so much that we could gather strength; his voice was always calm and controlled, almost disinterested; he kept us long enough in the sensory deprivation to fully feel the effects but never so long that we would lose our minds. He was a real master._

_They dragged us in and out of the boxes either to watch how Ranger was beaten or to be tortured in front of him. They always asked the same questions: Who are you? (No dog-tags on a black-ops); Who send you? What are you doing here? Are you alone? We never said a word; we would rather die than to give any information up; let alone Bobby and Ram. We knew they would be waiting for their chance to get us out. _

_It was five days later; not that I had any sense of time left but Bobby told me afterwards; when a real miracle happened. One of the goons just dragged me out of the box again for another session, as I heard three gunshots; out of reflex I let myself fall to the ground. The door crashed in the wall and there stood Ranger; bloodied, bruised and naked firing two more shots, killing my guards._

_I will never forget what Ric said then:_

"_We´re finished here. Come on Santos, let's gather the others and get the hell outta here."_

_I opened the nearest box and helped Tank out; together we freed Hal and Vince, while Ranger retrieved our clothes and armor. They had destroyed our com units but hadn´t found the emergency sender sewn in our clothes. We activated them to inform Ram and Bobby to retrieve us. Ranger collapsed as soon as he saw that Bobby and Ram were alive, too. _

_While Bobby patched us up as good as he could, removed Ram every trace of our presence. _

_We carried Ranger the 30 miles to our rendezvous point on a makeshift stretcher._

_36 hours later we were back in the States. They put Ranger in coma for three weeks to give his body time to heal. He had five broken ribs; six broken bones in his right and four in his left hand; a broken yaw and nose; missing teeth's and foot nails; cigar burns, slash wounds, lashing marks and bruises all over his body._

_When he woke up he was his usual confident self, not a hint that the mission had any effect on him. It still amazed me. I needed 6 months of counseling to come to terms with the events._

_At the debriefing he told us how he was able to escape. Estévez instructed his man, to transfer Ranger from the wall he was shackled, to the stool. The guard bends down to loosen the feet irons first, he made the mistake to lay his gun beside him on the ground and let it lay there. Realizing his chance, Ranger faked a collapse as soon as his hands became free, he stumbled against the man, catching him off guard and taking him down. Ranger grabbed the gun and immediately shoots Estévez and the guards._

It was as clear as day that this mission was compromised. Estévez knew that someone was coming for him and was prepared. To this day we never found out who has set us up. Our superiors downplayed the whole thing as an unfortunate event but I have my suspicions. After Ranger was released from the Hospital he started RangeMan.

We made our way back to the cars and Anderson came over to us.

"How is he holding up, Carl?" Bobby asked.

"Better than expected." He answered and looked thoughtful. "I never met a men like him. He shouldn´t be this stable or so willing to cooperate by this time. And quite honestly after I read his file I expected more resilience, more fight from him but it seems like he has a goal in mind."

"Yes, he has" I laughed "He wants to go after Beautiful asap and you are the obstacle he has to overcome."

"You mean he sees this like a mission?" the Doc asked puzzled.

"Positiv" agreed Bobby.

He turned to him,

"Do you think it would help him to know as much as possible about his condition and the therapy?"

"Yes"

He nodded and I could practical see a plan forming in his head.

"Thank you" he said to us and walked back to the waiting Ranger.

I looked at my cousin, standing there like a chastised boy at the car and the last of my anger towards him melted away. I nudge Bobby in the side and pointed at Ranger. Bobby took Rangers blackout very hard. He saw it as a personal failure not to have looked after him both as a friend and as well as a medic. And failure is nothing Bobby deals well with. Seeing Ranger like this now made him go soft. Not everything is lost.

"Ric" I called out to my cousin and gave him a nod.

~~~~~oooo~~~~~

A/N: The Black Box idea is borrowed from a German movie called "Das Experiment" only with other dimensions. For more information's on Sensory Deprivation and "Camera Silens" go to Wikipedia, "Camera Silens" could only be found in the german edition.


	9. Trouble PI

Song: Trouble by Pink

**Trouble**

**Part 1**

_August 25__th_

_Ranger´s PoV_

At 0900 hours Anderson knocked on my door, his arms laden with books that looked suspiciously liked medical literature. I let him in and raised my eyebrow in question.

"Good Morning, Mr. Manoso."

"Doctor." I inclined my head.

He sat the books and his briefcase on the kitchen counter and turned to me.

"So, how are you feeling this fine morning, Mr. Manoso?"

"Aside from the itching cast and stitches, and my sore back, pretty good. I feel relaxed. I had pizza and beer with Tank, Bobby, and Les and we talked like we used to. "

"Sleeping troubles?"

"No, I actually slept longer than normally. No dreams, or at least not any that I remember."

"That was to be expected. You had a very draining day. If it´s okay with you, I would like to stay here today and let you take some tests first. Are there any pressing matters that we should address first?"

"What tests?" I was cautious.

"Tests to determine the kind and severity of the PTSD. And if the dissociation was a onetime occurrence or a sign of a deeper problem."

"Sure, I will call Tank to bring the barstools up." Before I could take my phone out Anderson interrupted.

"Mr. Manoso, I think the both of us are quite capable to do this by our self." He raised his eyebrow and I nodded. We went down to the 6th floor to the storage rooms and collected the barstools.

During the next 45 minutes, I fought my way through what felt like a million questions on Anderson´s laptop. I was nervous as I waited for Anderson to evaluate the answers, so I occupied myself with making coffee. After that was done, I paced through the room like a caged lion.

"Calm down, Mr. Manoso, I won´t send you to the loony bin. Actually, your results are better than I thought. I see nothing that would indicate depression, and I think that you're probably only suffering from moderately severe PTSD. There are no signs for a pathologic Dissociation or a Personality Disorder, just some anger management issues. Overall, nothing to serious."

"And this means what?"

"It means I´m very optimistic and I will change my approach a bit."

I frowned.

"Yesterday afternoon, I spoke briefly with Bobby and Mr. Santos. They asked me how you are faring and I told them that I'm positively surprised. That I expected more resilience, more fight from you, and that it seems like there is a force driving you that is making you cooperate. They confirmed my suspicions, as have these tests. Bobby and Mr. Santos feel that you see this therapy as a kind of mission to complete, so you can go after Miss Plum. Is this correct?"

"Yes."

"So we will treat this as a mission."

"Meaning what exactly?"

"The treatment of the PTSD and the trauma will take time…"

I interrupted him by jumping out of my seat.

"I don´t have time! I won´t wait months and months until you think I´m all clear. I agreed to this because I really fucked up, but if you think I will waste one more…"

"Mr. Manoso." Anderson stood up and boomed. "Would you please hear me out and not jump to conclusions?"

He didn´t wait for an answer and went on.

"As I said the treatment of the PTSD and the traumas will take time; time you aren´t willing to give yourself in this situation. And I can accept that. But I want you to give me a few more days. You know that your friends want to talk with you about Miss Plum's reasons to leave, and as far as I can tell it won´t be a pleasant talk for any of you. I want to help you through it. All of you. They are burning to give you the third degree and I´m not willing to risk another mental breakdown. So let me do my work."

I took a deep breath and apologized.

"I´m sorry, Doc. I really appreciate what you are doing for me but not knowing what happened with Steph and where she is, well it's eating me up inside."

Anderson watched me for a moment and came to a decision.

"I will call them up here, Mr. Manoso. Maybe it´s better to get all of this out in the open at once."

That surprised me.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. But I will tell Bobby to bring a sedative for precaution. And I want your word as well as the word of your men, that if I say we should take a break you will do so without complaint. Other than that, I will not interfere."

"You have my word." I answered seriously.

Ten minutes later Tank, Bobby, and Lester arrived and brought chairs and a table with them. As soon as they entered the apartment, it felt like the temperature dropped twenty degrees. We all took a seat around the table while Anderson moved his chair to the corner, thus giving us a little extra room. I tried to read their faces and get a feel for what I had to expect from them.

Tank always was my right hand man. He was always calm and controlled, but ready to strike at moment's notice. He is often underestimated because of his size but he is a real good judge of character. His face was unreadable like always; his posture sitting seemingly at ease, hands on the table, palms open. I silently hope that he is still at my side if things become ugly.

Lester is my cousin. We grew up together in Miami after I was sent to live with my Abuela when I got in trouble. He was clearly angry with me. He had his arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed, lips pressed to a thin line. I realize then that things will probably get ugly. Lester is a good man and a good soldier, but his temper has always gotten him in more trouble than the rest of my men combined.

What really surprised me was Bobby´s reaction towards me. He radiated fury out of every pore. I had only seen Bobby in this state once. Nine years ago, shortly after we all joined the Rangers, his baby sister Naomi was violated and killed by a college friend. We hunted him down and let´s just say he was never heard of again. As soon as my eyes found his, he pounced on me.

"Do you have any idea what you have done to Steph? How deeply you have hurt her? You, her "mentor", her friend, her boss! Ha! And here I thought Morelli was a bad choice. Sure he is a selfish fucker, but at least he is an honest one. He never lied to her about his expectations of her nor did he take advantage of her, unlike you. You really disgust me, Ranger."

"What the hell are you talking about? I wasn´t even in town when she left." I screamed right back.

"Yeah, that's the problem. You´re always running away when you should man up and show that you love someone. Oh sure, you give money, and cars, and back up, while thinking it makes you look like the damn knight in shining, but as soon as your…"

I tried to interrupt. "Bobby, you know that…"

"Don´t give the infamous `my life doesn´t lent itself to a relationship` speech. It might work on Bomber, but you know damn well that we know you can quit that government contract anytime you want. Hell, we helped you to gather all the shit you have on them, should you ever need insurance. So don´t you dare to lie to me."

He banged his fist so hard on the glass plate of the table that I feared it might break. This is getting out of hand pretty fast, I thought. But fortunately I wasn´t the only one thinking this because Tank took over.

"Sit down Bobby. A screaming match is getting us nowhere." He said, but Bobby wouldn´t hear any of it.

"No Tank. It´s time someone tells the mighty Manoso what a cowardly, selfish, sorry excuse of a man he is." He walked back and forth like a caged tiger,

"A few weeks ago Bomber called it quits with Morelli and suddenly she started to bring in skips like mad and sold all her things. We were worried about her so Tank tried to pry information out of Lula and Lester tried sweet talk Connie. Well, the both of them said in no uncertain terms where they could stick their orders from you to keep an eye on Steph. But that if they wanted to know what was up with her as a friend they should ask her themselves. Oh, and Connie also said that Steph gave Vinnie her notice and was no longer working for him. So that Friday we went to her as friends, bearing meatball subs and beer. We sat in her bare apartment and tried to convince her that we were her friends and that we weren't there for her just because it was an order from you. After a while she poured her heart while out crying in Lester´s arms. What we heard Ranger, made me furious. I still can't believe it! Never in a million years I would have thought that you would blackmail Stephanie to fuck you."

Review?


	10. Trouble PII

A/N: Thank you my faithful readers! And a big THANKS to rangergirl1234 for making this chapter better. Every mistake you may find is mine alone, because I added a thing or two after this chap was beta´d. Also this will be the last "Ranger" Chap for a while, I think it´s time for Stephanie to have her say. Enjoy.

**Trouble Part 2**

_August 25__th_

_Ranger´s POV_

I jumped out of my chair, grabbed Bobby by the collar with my good arm, and threw him against the next wall.

"That´s enough, Brown! You are overstepping your boundaries, both as an employee and as a friend. I´ll admit that the deal I made with Steph wasn´t my best idea ever; but this is something between Stephanie and me. And it doesn´t concern you or anybody else, but rest assured I never did anything without her consent."

I unhanded Bobby and turned to the others, who still sat shell-shocked in their seats.

"I´m back in charge tomorrow. At 0700 hours I expect to have a full report of Stephanie`s whereabouts on my desk. I´m awaiting you three at 0800 hours in my office." My tone left no room for argument. I turned to Anderson and asked.

"Tomorrow at 9am?"

He nodded and I turned to leave. I had to get out of here before I do something I will regret, but Bobby´s accusations had affected me more than I wanted to admit. I grabbed my keys and closed the door behind me.

~~~~~ooooo~~~~~

_Lester´s POV_

_`Should have thought of Point Pleasant sooner. Would have spared me three hours of fruitless searching. The sucker had turned his GPS and phone off. ` _

I grabbed the six-pack from the passenger seat and went to the shore, where Ric was sitting in the sand, starring of into space. I sat beside him and offered him a beer silently. He snorted but took it nonetheless. After taking a few sips he broke the silence at first.

"You´re getting old Les. It took you three hours to find me."

"Well, you see there was this girl.." the both of us chuckled. It was our traditional greeting from the time, when we were stupid teenage boys, hiding away from our Abuela. Whenever one of us got in trouble the other would come as soon as Abuela Rosa was no longer running around with her wooden spoon, cursing us in Spanish.

"England." I said.

He looked at me puzzled so I added:

"She is in England, 30 miles east of Glastonbury."

"So, you trace her at least. Good. But what the hell is she doing there."

"Firstly, we don´t trace her. She told Tank at her call in. And what she is doing there? Well, I have no idea. As far as I know, she only told Tank not to worry, that she is safe and sound and enjoying the countryside. "

"You are in contact with her?" He sounded completely surprised and I was a little offended.

"Ranger, we are not complete idiots! With her record of blown up cars and attracting trouble left and right, do you really think we would let her travel the world without any safety precaution? We care about her too, you know. We made a deal of our own with her. She agreed to a backup account, set up by the three of us, an untraceable satellite phone, and regular call in´s. She also agreed to travel under a cover id. In exchange for that, we promised to keep you out of her hair as long as we can."

"You have what?" He snarled.

"Before you jump up and make another stupid mistake; like boarding the next plane and running her over with declarations of love, please listen to me." He stayed where he was so I took a deep breath and soldiered on.

"Stephanie left because she was slowly dying here. Not in a physical sense, but her spirit is almost broken. She is fed up with her life here and she is hurt Ric, deeply hurt. She didn´t leave only because of you, it´s complicated. And no, I will not betray her trust in us by telling you what she told us in confidence. She realized some things about herself and her life and she needs to come to terms with it. You know what a mess her life is so you get the picture, at least a little. You will have to speak with her yourself for details. At first place she wanted to leave for good and never look back. New home, new job and all; but we persuaded her just to go on an extended vacation and to think about it all. I truly believe she just needs time to clear her head and to come to a decision regarding her future and then she will come back. And I think you should respect her wishes and give her this time."

"How could you be so sure?" he asked.

"Ric, I watched you two dance around each other for three years now. There is something between the two of you I cannot explain but it´s something strong and unique. So, yes I am sure. Think about it Ric and heed my advice."

I stood up and left him to his thoughts. I only hope that he will, for once, listen to his little cousin.

~~~~~ooooo~~~~~

_Ranger´s POV_

It was a long, lonely night at the beach; a night of honest soul-searching. Not a pleasant thing to do, but long overdue. I came to a decision. I drove back to Trenton shortly after the sun has risen. Bones, Hector and Woody, who worked the nightshift, treated me with the same respect as usual. Once again I´m glad that most of my men have a military background. I´m not so ignorant to think, that the event of the last week went unnoticed but they know better than to talk about.

I went into my office and read through the report I requested from Tank. Only then I fully registered at what lengths they would go to protect her. Even from me.

I sat behind my desk, thinking about my next steps as a knock on my office door interrupted my musings.

"Enter" I called out.

Tank, Bobby, and Lester entered in full RangeMan regalia, blank faces firmly in place. I mentioned to them to take a seat at the leather couch, while I stayed standing.

"I wanted to thank you for what you have done for Stephanie and for me. And I want to apologize for, well, everything."

Bobby stood up too and began to speak.

"Ranger I shouldn´t…"

"No Bobby you were right." I interrupted him. "I was a coward. I never wanted to admit my feelings for Stephanie to myself, let alone to her, because I was more afraid of what I could lose than I was willing to see what I could gain. I don´t have to tell you what happened to my parents and I didn´t want experience the same. So I gave Steph all the stupid lines, or hid away on missions or in Miami, as soon as things became too intense between us."

"Have you ever thought of talking with her? No don´t answer that. You are hopeless, you know, both of you." Tank said.

"So what are you going to do now?" Lester asked.

"I will heed your advice and give Stephanie the time and space she needs. But I would like to be kept informed about her, Tank." I looked at him quizzically and to my great relief he nodded.

"For everything else, I have to talk with Dr. Anderson. My declamation yesterday went against everything we agreed upon. But I hope he will clear me for a few hours of desk duty per day. All this sitting around is making me crazy."

The guys laughed at that. We talked about business things until it was time for my appointment with Anderson. Before we parted there was one thing left I need to do.

"Guys please give me the amount of money you set up for Steph, so I can repay you."

They shared a brief look and then Lester answered.

"No. Neither you nor RangeMan will pay for her. For one she will have our hide if she ever find out that we lied to her and the other thing is we wanted to do it. We love her, too Ranger and she is one of us." I was touched at his declaration. Now I know should ever happened anything to me, there are three men who will care about her.

~~~~~ooooo~~~~~

Anderson was more understanding then I anticipated and not in the least concerned that I would lose it again.

"Mr. Manoso, when one is cornered, especially in their own home, it's understandable that one would feel as you did and try everything to break free. In your case, showing your dominance, both physically and as an employer, was perfectly within your right. What impressed me was that afterwards you didn´t seek the confrontation but left the situation. I would have ended the meeting hadn´t you gone. Had we continued at that point, it would have only resulted in accusations and reproaches. So you did well. Now tell what happened after you left?"

I told him about my talk with Lester, my night in Point Pleasant, and my decisions, thoughts, and my emotions. At the end of our meeting he agreed with me; that a little work would help me to get my life back in shape. But he limited me to three hours a day. He even gave me permission to have my guns back.

~~~~~ooooo~~~~~

_September 10__th_

Over the next two weeks things went as smoothly as possible. Aside from my hand, my self-inflicted injuries have healed and I enjoy training in the new gym. Anderson and I meet daily. We talk a lot about my breakdown, my childhood and my family, and about my last mission. But mostly we have talked about Stephanie. There hasn´t an hour gone by, when I haven't thought of her. Her absence is like physical pain. It feels like I´m missing a vital part of myself. But I restrain myself from flying to her. I don´t want to mess things up again. I just hope I´m doing the right thing by waiting for her. I had thought about talking with Mrs. Mazur, Lula, and Mary Lou. Maybe they could give me some pointers from a women`s point of view. I have to get my Babe back and I'm willing to do anything, even swallowing my pride and admitting my mistake to the women who are closest to her.

Today I signed a very lucrative contract for RangeMan. It will almost double our yearly income and I will be able to hire some of our contract workers permanently. I invited my staff to Shorty`s to celebrate our new contract and to thank them for their hard work and dedication to RangeMan. I had hired contract workers as drivers for us and to monitor the control room. We had a lot of fun with a lot of pizza and beer, pool, and a lot of stories from our time in the military. Sometime around a half past one in the morning Shorty finally threw us out since it was closing time. Some of the guys wanted to hit the clubs so we said our goodbyes in the parking lot. As we were leaving, a shot sliced through the night and stole the world away.


	11. Ironic

A/N: I´m BACK. I´m really, really sorry but life is a bitch. And on top of all I´m stuck, my head is full of chapters for AL but I seem to get nothing on paper so I thought I will post this chap and hope your reviews will get me over that writers block….~raven~

Song: Ironic by Alanis Morrisette

**Ironic**

_August 18__th_

_Steph´s PoV_

_`Isn´t it ironic` _was the first thing what came to my mind. There I was Stephanie Plum former Bounty Hunter also known as: the Bombshell Bounty Hunter, Babe, Cupcake, Bombshell, Beautiful or as I like to call myself the walking magnet for catastrophes within a 50 mile radius; siting in my fucking underwear on the fucking floor in a fucking McDonalds in fucking Germany. I had just traveled 4000 miles from Trenton, NJ to Frankfurt am Main, Germany; with a small bag of clothes and a suitcase of issues to escape the gun firing, car exploding, firebombing and garbage throwing madness that´s called my life; only to have a gun pointed at me by a scrawny little shit with a bad case of acne. God had a really sick kind of humor.

My plane landed shortly after midnight and I went with the subway to the central station. I brought a city guide and went into McDonalds for a Big Mäc, some fries, a coke and maybe an apple pie or two. I wanted to search the guide for a cheap hotel in the vicinity and then sleep for a day. But Noooo, this fucked up Sob has to have a mental fall out.

It´s two in the morning and I´m tired. I have a headache and I´m sore from the long flight. I´m all sticky and sweaty and freezing my butt of on the cold floor. Oh, and have I said I´m wearing my most comfy and so not sexy underwear. You now the simple cotton ones which are graying a little from washing to often and which smell like rain storms, cookies and moms washing powder. You see what I'm meaning. Comfy but you don´t want to be seen in them. But the worst thing is I have no idea why I´m sitting here, because I´m in fucking Germany and don´t understand a word.

The police arrived a few minutes ago and the phone rang, our captor said something to the man on the other side and then ripped the cord out of the wall. The police officer now tried to catch his attention by speaking through a megaphone, but he just screamed the same sentence as one the phone over and over again. This is getting out of hand pretty fast. It seems that the police isn´t making any progress, on the contrary the more they talk to him the more agitated he became. If someone doesn´t do something very soon we might get all killed. And it looks like that I have to be the someone. So I channeled my inner Ranger and looked around my fellow captives for a possible ally.

To my left were the three McDonalds employee's two guys and a woman, all in their early twenties. The woman had actually fainted and the guys' don´t look that conscious either. No help on that front. At the outside to my right sat a man in his early fifties, about 200 pound, balding and sweating like a pig. He was constantly mumbling under his breath. I think he was praying. No help there, either. The woman next to me was well…weird.

I mean in an `I never encountered someone like that before` way of weird. And I have already met my fair share of weird people, hell I´m even related to some of them, but she is a whole other league of weird. At the first glimpse I thought she was a child dressed up in her mother's clothes, until I noticed that her costume fitted her so perfectly that it had to be tailored.

She stood before me in front of the counter and barely reached my shoulder. I´m not a tall

Woman by any means, but she can´t have more than 5" if at all. And she was not only slender she was delicate. Her jet-black, French-braided hair was so long that it reached her tights. I can only guess how long it takes her to blow-dry it. When she turned around with her tray she threw me completely off balance. If I had to describe a classic beauty it would be her. I am by no means into women but if I were I would instantly fall for her. Her skin was alabaster white and she wore just a touch of make-up, her eyes were liquid pools of silver and seem to look directly into your soul. If it wasn´t for her eyes, I would fully expect her to sparkle in the sun. But the weirdest thing about her was her demeanor. When the guy came in, gun waving and screaming, she just looked at him, stood up, shred her clothes and sat calmly in front of the counter in her cream colored La Perla set. Hey, I´m a Jersey girl I notice such things like exquisite lingerie, so sue me. The rest of us were scared out of our pants, literally. Not to mention it took me the longest to comply, not only because I didn´t understand a thing but I took a page out of my mother´s book thinking _`Why me. Lauren Miller´s daughter didn´t run away into a foreign country only to be held hostage at a Mc Donalds. `_.

Now she is sitting here all calm and collected. I mean really, I´ve seen Ranger in situations like this and he is calm, too; but that´s an `I´m aware of my surroundings and I´m ready to strike any minute` calm. But she is almost relaxed, as if she is held hostage in her underwear every other day. She even leaned her head back and closed her eyes, her breath deep and steady.

Well, it seems like I´m on my own.

The guy became even more agitated in the past minutes, he is pacing back and forth between us and the glass doors looking out for a moment, hands running through his hair. I observed him for a few more minutes and made my plan. The next time he goes to the doors I´m going to crawl over, grab one of the chairs, sneak up behind him and smash it up on his back. Even if I don´t knock him out it should at least be enough to get him to drop his gun so I can grab it. And then well, I will play it by ear. I don´t think I have to shoot him, not that could. But as usual nothing goes according to plan when Stephanie Plum is involved.

The guy must have seen my reflection in the glass as I tried to sneak up on him chair in hand; he turned in midstride pointing the gun at me screaming. I already saw my life flash in front of my eyes as from nowhere the woman stand next to him, taking his hand and he dropped the gun, grimacing in pain. I thought he was going to hit her then and I was prepared to strike with my chair when the next unbelievable thing happened. The woman looked him straight in the eye, lifted her hand to stroke his cheek and whispered something to him and suddenly he dropped to his knees. He buried his head in her belly and sobbed. He held on for dear life while she combed through his hair, consoling him like a child. The rest of us sat, in my case stood, there stunned; unable to comprehend what just happened. Suddenly the woman lifted her head and narrowed her eyes at me.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?"

I was so taken aback the sound of her voice that I didn´t recognize that she addressed me in my native tongue. Her voice was not the high, musical chirp I imagined by her looks but deep

and rough like she drinks a bottle of whiskey and smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. I shook my head to clear it and said:

"Huh..?" very eloquent, I know, that´s me always a witty remark on the tip of my tongue.

She just looked at me, waiting for an answer. I straightened up and said:

"Well, he was losing it, obviously and I didn´t want someone to get hurt or worse, so I thought …"

"You didn´t thought." She cut in, "You acted without knowing what was going on, because obviously you haven´t understand a word that was said. So either you are a lot dumber than you look or a lot braver than it´s good for you. So, what is it?"

She crooked her head slightly, still consoling the guy. Her silver eyes bore into mine. I felt like she was searching my mind, heart and soul for an answer. I didn´t know what to say.

"Nevermind. What´s your name?"

"Ste…um" Fuck what was the name again. "Alexandra…yes…Alexandra Graham." I hope she hasn´t notice my slip.

She sighed and hung her head, like in defeat_. I guess I have my answer._ It was only a second but when she lifted her head again there was something new about her, like the atmosphere around her had shifted. She let go of the guy, who slid to the floor silently crying, and shifted her attention to the remaining people. She stood there in nothing but two tiny pieces of underwear, oozing authority out of every pore. In a low calm tone she said something in German and everybody nodded. Even I did although I had no idea what she said and then she addressed me.

"Take your stuff and go into the ladies room until I come and get you. The police will be here any minute and I don´t think you will want their attention."

I opened my mouth to protest, I don´t like it one bit to be ordered around. Sensing my mood she took three steps until she stood directly in front of me and looked into my eyes. Suddenly I felt like a little girl again. It was the same feeling I had when I woke from a nightmare and my parents warped me in their arms, telling me everything was alright. No monsters hiding under my bed. It was the same way Ranger made me feel. Save, warm, loved, protected. I just knew I could trust her then. I grabbed my stuff and went into the ladies room.


	12. Who are you

A/N: Thank you so much for all your kind reviews! Thank you for putting me on your alert and favorite lists. And thanks to all who have read and reviewed **When you say you love me**

Here we go again, but first I´m going explain some things.

**PLEASE READ!**

As you might have guessed Almost Lover is a very personal story. My experiences, the people I met, dreams I have are in this story in one way or the other. Not the actual occurrence but the sentiment. For example Ranger´s breakdown and his fight against the MM is a version of my suicide attempt nine years ago. As the EMT´s tried to save my life I fought them tooth and nail. To this day I have no memory of that I was too far gone by that point. If you want to know more about the similarities between my life and AL you let me know and I will gladly explain.

Raven

**Song: **Who are you – The Who

**Who are you?**

_August 18__th_

_Steph´s PoV_

Ten minutes later I was dressed again and pacing frenetically in the restroom. Who the hell is this woman and what the hell happened out there. Shortly after I retreated to the restroom, the police stormed the place with a lot of crashing and shouting. Even if I didn´t understand a word, I could very well imagine what they say. Been there, done that.

I was still pacing when suddenly the door burst open and the strange woman strode in, still in her underwear; yelling over her shoulder and slamming the door shut. She threw her stuff on the counter next to the sink and turned around to face me. I involuntary took a step back; her eyes were stormy grey, like thunderclouds, and anger radiating of her. She seems to sense my anxiety. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and almost immediately the storm was over and I felt like I was warped in a blanket again. Before I had time to think about how she was doing that, she spoke softly.

"I´m sorry about that, normally I´m not so emotional but it was a very long day and the night is far from over. And those incompetent fools out there are not helping either." She turned back to the sink and turned the water on.

"Who are you?" I asked "And what are we doing in here? How do you know I´m not German? Why do you think I don´t want to meet the police? You think I´m a criminal?" by the end of my little speech my arms were flying. I was fast approaching ´rhino-mode´.

The woman met my eyes in the mirror and said,

"Mórrigan. Waiting for a friend of mine. You didn´t understood a word the boy said and the city guide in English gave you away. You are traveling under a fake name and I have no idea how legit it is, so I decided it´s better to keep you off the grid. By the why you really should memorize your alias. And no you aren´t a criminal but you are running away."

_`Huh?` _Before I could ask anything else or even comprehend what she said, the door opened again and a man in his early sixties came in. He was wearing a wrinkled suit and carried a black traveling bag and a laptop bag. He sat both bags on the floor and grabbed Mòrrigan in a bear hug.

"How is my favorite goddaughter?"

"I am your only goddaughter Hans." She laughed. "And I´m as well as I can be after a day with my brother and his minions and held hostage."

"Oh, dear is it this time of the year again? My, time surely flies by. Now tell me why you drag my sorry as out of bed at three in the morning."

I still stood rooted to the spot when she gestured to me.

"Because of her, that girl here attacked our captor without second thought in a stupidly brave attempt to save us. And without having understood anything that was spoken, hence my request to you to speak english." At that he looked sharply at me. "But that´s not the reason I called you. She travels under an alias and isn´t trained to do so. And as I have yet to take a look at her passport, I have no clue how legit it is or why she needs a cover. As far as I can tell she is running away and if I have to guess she is running away from herself."

"She is another one of yours?" he asked.

"Yep."

The man shakes his head and chuckled.

"Jesses, how are you doing this? You can´t even go to a McDonalds without stumbling over one of your cubs."

"Talent." She deadpanned.

Before anyone could say anything else I shook myself out of my stupor and screamed.

"What the hell is going on here? Who the hell are you? Both of you. And what the hell are you talking about! I just traveled about 4000 miles to escape my insane life just to end up in fucking Germany to be held hostage. I´m tired and hungry and if I don´t get answers soon I´m going to go."

They looked at each other and the man asked.

"Will you do the honors?"

"Sure. As I already told you my name is Mórrigan and this is Hans Schröder Frankfurt´s chief of police. He is my godfather and he is here at my request to get you out of here undetected. After you slipped up, when I asked for your name, I figured it´s better not to have your name in the reports fake or not; so I called him. So would you please give him your passport? We can check it out and decide how we will proceed. Oh, and it would really help if you could tell us if someone is after you or if your life is in danger."

I was still unsure of them, so Mórrigan went on.

"You might have figured that's not the first time I´m in a situation like this. I´ll give you short rundown of my life. I live in England near Glastonbury. I have a house there and I´m helping women who are in difficult life situations. Women like you who have lost their way, women who are hurting both physically and emotionally. I´m helping them with whatever they need; a home, medical attention, consoling, education, protection, new identities you name it."

She came over to me and took my face in her small hands.

"How is your real name?"

"Stephanie" I whispered.

"Stephanie, I can see that you are terribly hurting, you are confused, you are standing at a crossroad and you have no idea where to turn or if it´s worth to go on at all. I want to help you. I want to take you to Solace, my home. I´ll help you to heal and no harm will come to you as long as you are under my protection. Will you trust me?`

To this day I can´t tell what happened as she spoke to me, but in this moment I just knew she spoke the truth. I knew that she had no ulterior motive. That I could trust her and that she would never betray that trust. For the first time in my life I felt honestly and truly loved just the way I am, scars and all. And I did the one thing every respectable female would do, I wept.

Mórrigan folded me in her arms and held me. As my legs gave out under me she slid down with me on the floor and laid my head in her lap; silently giving me strength until I was all cried out.

~~~~~oooo~~~~~

_Review?_


	13. Oh What a Night

**A/N:** WOW 70 alerts… Thank you. Thanks for reading and your kind words.

**Song: **Oh What a Night by Guano Apes

**Oh What a Night**

_August 18__th_

_Steph´s PoV_

„Better? "

Mórrigan asked me once the sobs stopped and my breathing was normal again. I nodded and sat up.

"Good, now go freshen up while I get dressed." I got up and looking around I noticed that Mr. Schröder was missing.

"Mhm, Mórrigan where is your friend?"

"He´s gone to find out what the other witnesses testified, we still have to determine what to do with you. That reminds me are you in immediate danger? Any psychotic boyfriends, ex-husbands, criminal former employers, gang leaders, drug lords, or the likes after you?" she asked while she shimmied in a pair of black leather pants.

"No. Not that I know of, but I tend to attract crazies wherever I am. That's one reason why I am traveling under an alias. Friends of mine deemed it saver for me not to use my real name."

She looked at me puzzled. "Care to elaborate."

I sight and started to explain.

"Back home I was a bounty hunter and although I only went after low bonds, like drunk drivers, shoplifters and the likes, I always managed to find myself in a shitload of trouble. I attracted crazy stalkers left and right. They firebombed my cars and apartment. Left dead bodies on my couch. Captured me, tortured me." I shrugged. It tells a lot about me that I´m able to talk about stuff like dead people in such a casual way; like normal people talk about cookie recipes.

Mórrigan said nothing, hell she didn´t even bat an eye; she just took out her cell and typed something in it. I stood there flabbergasted and watched her dress in a black skintight shirt and black biker boots. After she loosened her braid and booted up the laptop she spoke again.

"Show me your passport please." I wanted to say something but she held up her hand and said please again. There was nothing left from the calm she radiated only moments ago, now she screamed fiercely protectiveness. I dug the passport out of my duffel and gave it to her. She looked over it shortly and then started to type furiously. While she typed and opened window after window I took a moment to really look her over.

Dress in black from head to toe, her stance slightly widened, back straight, shoulders tense, all senses on high alert, she reminded me of Ranger. And as much as it hurt to think of him I can´t help to remember all the times I saw him like that; ready to protect me from any harm even if it meant for the price of his life.

The door opened and in the blink of an eye Mórrigan was in front of me ready to strike. Mr. Schröder just raised an eyebrow and closed the door behind him.

Mórrigan just shrugged and turned back to her laptop.

"I have the bag you requested." Schröder said and sat it next to her. "Nice collection. You have the papers for them?"

"Of cause, they are in the glove box, if you want to look. And now be quite, I will explain everything in a few moments." She typed some more and then shut the laptop down and turned to us.

"Ok, I just skimmed over your alias, ´cause I didn´t want to raise any flags, and it will suffice for now. It´s not as good as the ones we provide but way better than the ones you usually get. You should be safe for now, Stephanie. We will talk about it and your friends when we are on our way to Solace. Hans, the little girl here seems to have has quite a history, to be save I want her out of all reports. She was never here, you understand?"

He nodded. "Good. Call Ulrike and explain it to her. I´m sure she and the DA will come up with something. Tell her whatever it is Solace will provide it. This kid out there has been through a lot and I would prefer to see him get the help he needs than behind bars."

And once again she reminded me of Ranger. "Who is Ulrike and what do you mean with Solace will provide?" I asked irritated.

"Stephanie, you can asked me all the questions you have later and I will answer them all, but for now just please let us warp this up, so we can get out of here. OK?"

_`Yep, like Ranger.`_ I thought and nodded.

"All right, Hans how long until we can get out undetected?"

"The SEK* is already gone as are the EMT´s and the witnesses. The KTU* was just finishing up when I came back in so I think 10 minutes tops. What have you planned?"

"Scramble the cameras and bring my car to the staff entrance; call me when the coast is clear and we will leave through there. My lawyer will send you my statement in a few days. Should anyone give you a hard time mention my name, which should shut them up.

We will drive straight to Solace from here."

"Don´t you think you should sleep here and fly home tomorrow?"

"No, even with her alias I don´t want her anywhere near her last recorded appearance. Stephanie lead a dangerous life back home and she already found trouble here, and I won´t risk a second incident. If I need to rest for a few hours we will do so in France."

"A little paranoid, are we?"

"No, it´s just better to be safe than sorry."

Mórrigan hugged him and whispered something I didn´t understand.

"Anything for you, little one." Schröder said and kissed her forehead. He turned to me and shook my hand.

"It was a pleasure, Miss Stephanie. But I hope the next time we meet it will be under much better circumstances. Be safe and listen to Mórrigan, she is the best that could

have happened to you."

"Thank you, sir."

And before I could say anything else he was out of the door.

~~~~~oooo~~~~~

"So you are a bounty hunter, I assume you are familiar with guns." Mórrigan opened the bag and I saw an assortment of guns, knives and pepper sprays. She selected a gun, loaded it and held it out to me without looking, when I didn´t took it she looked at me.

"Ähm… I don´t like guns." I stated sheepishly and she had the audacity to laugh.

"A bounty hunter who doesn´t like guns. Well, Stephanie you are really something else.

Please tell me you know how to use one at least."

"Yes, but…"

"Good. This is a Glock 19, .9mm, 17 rounds in the clip one in the chamber. No safety, no sights. It´s fully loaded and ready to shoot. Listen I don´t like guns either but sometimes they can save your life. And with your history…"

"Yeah better safe than sorry." I cut in.

I tugged the gun in my waistband at the small of my back and pulled my shirt over to cover it.

"Right. I don´t think we will encounter any trouble, but I take the protection of my daughters very seriously, so please don´t give me a hard time."

`_Huh`_ "Daughters?"

"Yes."

"Care to explain."

"Later."

Mórrigan wore two guns; one in a shoulder holster and one at her back. She stashed two knives in her boots and put a few throwing stars in the pockets of her leather-jacket.

"You look like you want to invade a third world country." I quipped.

She smiled and her phone rang.

"Come on let´s get out of here."

We grabbed our stuff and went out of the back door without meeting another soul. Waiting for us, with a running engine, was a shiny black Mercedes AMG SL 65. Blame the lack of sleep but I started to laugh. And when Mórrigan raised an eyebrow at me I was a goner. I collapsed on the passenger holding my sides and tears running down my cheeks.

We were already outside of the city limits and on the autobahn when I regained my ability to speak.

"I´m so sorry, Mórrigan. I wasn´t laughing at you. It´s just a lot about you reminds me of a friend of mine. He has a commanding presence, he is always in control, he wears always black, he is always armed to teeth and he only drives shiny black expensive cars. It´s just so absurd that I ran away from him only to find his female counterpart within the hour and she too has taken it up on herself to protect me."

"You ran away from him?" she asked alarmed.

"More or less. It´s complicated. But he would never hurt me."

"You sure?"

"Yes"

"Well, I doubt we have a lot in common. I´m seldom armed but I like to be prepared. And the black clothes are a coincident; initially I planned to ride my new bike back home after my annual meeting with my brother. I was on my way to my apartment in Frankfurt when I …."

Suddenly she stomped on the brakes and yelled,

"OH FUCK"

She looked at me wide-eyed. The engine roared as she accelerated again.

"What? What happened?" I screamed.

Mórrigan stirred the car to a picnic area and asked.

"How likely is it that you; a runaway bounty hunter, hurting and needing protection, and me a woman who helps and protects women and never ever craves fast-food; meet at a McDonalds at two in the morning. But that's not enough oh no. How likely is it, that a boy who had lost both his mother and his sister a week ago; decided to rob the same McDonalds in the same night at the same time, hmm? Exactly! It´s impossible."

She fished her cellphone out of her pocket and dialed.

"SONOFABITCH"

~~~~~oooo~~~~~

*SEK – Sonder Einsatz Kommando the German SWAT

*KTU – Kriminaltechnische Untersuchung the German CSI

A/N: You have three guesses who she called. PLEASE leave me a few words.


	14. Carry you Home Part I

**Song:** Carry you home by James Blunt

**Carry you home**

**Part I**

Mórrigan threw her cell on the dash board and a moment later I felt the air pressure change and it smelled like Christmas and cookies. I turned in my seat and saw Diesel sitting on the small backseat, grinning.

"Hey, Steph everything alright?" he greeted me and kissed me on my cheek.

"Mórrigan my Lady, you called. How can I be o…"

"Cut the bullshit, Diesel and spill." Mórrigan growled.

"My are we a.."

He was cut off, because Mórrigan pressed the barrel of her gun between his eyes. In a low, threatening voice she said,

"You have two minutes to explain your harebrained stunt before I provide you with the third eye."

I had to intervene. I don´t think she is bluffing.

"Mórrigan you cannot kill him."

"No, but it will hurt him like a bitch." Fuck I forgot that Diesel can´t be killed with bullets. I needed a new tactic, fast.

"Uhm, you will ruin your car."

"Fuck the car I´ll buy a new one."

"Oh for heaven's sake, Mórrigan, I´m sure whatever Diesel had done he didn´t meant any harm. Please lower your gun." I begged.

She looked at me and crocked an eyebrow. "You have no idea who he is, have you?"

"Well, he´s an Unmentionable and I helped him once or twice."

"Yeah, I figured as much. Tell me one thing, when you helped him did he ever explain what exactly an Unmentionable is and why you of all people are able to help him?" her eyes bore into mine.

"Uhm, no."

"That's what I thought." She turned back to Diesel, gun still pointed at him.

"I assume Stephanie is a Talent and a powerful one."

"Yes, she is. She is a Finder." Diesel said.

_`Huh?`_

Mórrigan lowered her gun and slummed back in her seat. She took a couple of deep breaths and massaged her temples. She reached over me and grabbed a small bottle of pills out of the glove box. She swallowed two of them dry and said to Diesel.

"Explain it to her. And I mean everything, start at the beginning." With that statement she leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. I turned around looking expectantly at Diesel.

"Ready Steph? You are about to receive a crash course in the secrets of life."

"Quit being such a drama queen." Mórrigan quipped in. Ignoring her Diesel went on.

"You know that some religions believe in the reincarnation of souls. That is actually true.

As a soul incarnates over and over again it develops certain abilities, like having a knack for maths, being good at learning languages or good at working with people, stuff like that. Well some are more talented than others and some are Unmentionable. We, the Unmentionables, are able to manipulate the nature to serve our cause. Some of us can do this in a more obvious way than others; like manipulating electricity, fire, water and the likes, while others are more subtle and operate on a more psychological level. I for example am a chaser. This means I´m good at tracking people. I set my mind on who or what I look for and like a magnet I`m drawn to it or them. I can also manipulate time and space to get to my destination faster.. In simple terms I can pop from A to B in a matter of milliseconds. Chasing is my natural talent. Every Unmentionable has one and no one is like the other. When you become an Unmentionable you learn a lot of things to do. Some suits you better than others, mostly the things you are good at are somewhat related to your natural talent. I can also heal and bind the powers of an Unmentionable for a short time and bunch of other stuff."

"Like manipulating the basic instincts of unsuspecting women." Mórrigan sneered.

"Listen Mórrigan, I am really sorry. I know I promised you to never do this with you, but when Steph left Trenton without Ranger or anyone else to protect her I panicked. I wrecked my brain at how I could protect her while allowing her the time and freedom to find herself again; and suddenly you both were in the same city not far from each other. I knew you would never go into a McDonalds of your own free will so I just nudged you a little. I swear by my soul it was not invasive. Your defenses were already weakened, because of the meeting with your brother and I just tickled the pleasure center in your brain a little bit.

And the boy was not my fault it was all Stephanie's doing. She is completely wrong tuned. I admit she would have found you on her own eventually, but I wouldn´t risk something happening to her. She is a very powerful Talent."

"You could have simply called me. You might not be my favorite person, but I would never refuse to help someone, let alone a woman. And you damn well know it." She screamed. And Diesel screamed right back.

"And YOU know damn well that Unmentionables aren´t supposed to meddle with humans any more than absolutely necessary. Hell if you hadn´t figured out the most about us on your, you wouldn´t know this much."

Confused much? Yep me too.

"Shut up." I roared "I´ve no idea what you two are bitching about, but I don´t understand the half of it. I had one hell of a day and I want answers and I want them now. Diesel" I focused my eyes on him, "What is a talent and what is a finder. How did you know I left Trenton and has it to do with Ranger. And why the hell am I wrong tuned. Mórrigan" I leveled my gaze at her, "I would really appreciate it if you could your differences aside for the time being, after all you called him." She gave me a nod and I focused back on Diesel.

"I´m sorry Steph. I´ve told you already the gist's of the Unmentionables the rest are just nuances and not really important right now. Talents are humans who will be Unmentionables in one of their next lives. There are not a whole lot of them maybe 35 overall and even of those the most are only latent Talents. This means their talent is still asleep. But you, Ranger and Mórrigan here are active Talents, that means although you are human you use your talent unconsciously or that's how it should it be. "

"What is that supposed to mean?"

~~~~~oooo~~~~~

A/N: I know I´m evil…but I wanted to update today and this was a good point to break. I don´t know if I have time to write tomorrow but I will try. THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND REVIEWING AND ALERTING AND FAVORING!

I have one last request the alerts for AL goes through the roof but my reviews goes back PLEASE leave me a few words its all I get for my work…pretty please with a cherry on top!


	15. Carry you Home Part II

**A/N: **You guys rock! Thanks a lot for your kind reviews! Keep them coming. I´m a sucker for them. And because I love you so much there is a little preview of what I planned for the next chapters.

Chapter 15- We will meet Solace

Chapter 16- We will discover why Steph left

And somewhere between chapter 20 and 25 you will find out who I killed in chapter 10. Wish me luck that I´m able to keep this speed up.

**Song:** Carry you home by James Blunt

**Carry you Home**

**Part II**

_August 18__th_

_Stephs PoV_

Diesel hesitated and Mórrigan said.

"Go on it´s no secret how we met and everything you will tell her about me or Solace I would have told her anyway. But hurry up, a Finder, an Unmentionable and a Protector this close together makes one hell of a target."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because not all Unmentionables are good people." Diesel answered. "Like humans some Unmentionables abuse their powers for their own advantage. They seek power and wealth or they use them to harm humans because they think humans are beneath them. I´m a Chaser and well chase them."

"So you are the Unmentionable-police?"

"Yes. The majority of us can´t sense each other or Talents for that matter but I have enemies. And with your uncanny ability to find trouble nothing is impossible. For now we are save. And before you ask, it would not make a difference if we drive or not. Besides Mórrigans head has have to kill her. I will explain that later, first let me tell you how we met."

"I popped in her life thirteen years ago, when we went after a rogue Unmentionable who had his fingers into various illegal businesses. Drugs, prostitution, money laundering. He was a hypnotist. He could make you think and do everything he wished with only a thought. One day he met a girl, Tanya who seems to be immune against his abilities. She was a talent, a Shield, and he became obsessed with her. I was still in training and my assignment was to track her and bring her to Solace and give her into the care of another Talent, Mórrigan. I had very strict orders. I was instructed to bring her to the front gates, announce ourselves, wait for Mórrigan and ask for protection of Tanya. Under NO circumstances was I allowed to set a foot on the grounds of Solace, not to mention to pop in. Being the presumptuous ass I was, I wanted to prove myself and ignored the orders. I popped in or tried to. Solace is a very special place and I didn´t knew that. Mórrigan would you?" Diesel asked in a strained voice as if he was trying to hold back tears.

"Solace is magic, Earth magic to be more precise. It is what is left of Ines Witrin, not as powerful as in the Old Days but still powerful enough. All over the world are places like that; some for women and men, some only for women like Solace or only for men. The knowledge of those sacred places, their names, their powers, their location and even the places itself has gotten lost or were destroyed as the patriarchy took over. Hell, they even denied their existence at all and put them in the lands of myths or perverted their significance. I will tell you more about it when you met Solace and felt her. Diesel tried to pop into Solace, but one of the powers of hers is that she disables every kind of interference that went against nature. In contradiction to a Talent Unmentionables have no powers there. Talents mostly don´t use their powers consciously because they are natural. Talents can´t manipulate the elements. In case of psychic Talents they can´t manipulate the human mind like an Unmentionable can, influence yes but not manipulate. Elemental Talents never knows of their future powers and most psychics have no idea that their talent is actually that a Talent. But I and soon you could "use" it. I´m going to teach you, if you wish to."

I was, for a lack of a better word, baff*. How does she know so much? And why the hell do I believe her? And I asked her exactly that. Her answer leaves me again with my mouth open.

"Honey, there are more things between heaven and earth than our schools teach us. And I actually walk through the world with my eyes open and I use my brain to think. But enough of that Diesel go on, please."

"Right, as Mórrigan said Unmentionable powers doesn´t work at Solace and as soon as we were in the confines of Solace I lost my powers and lost my hold of Tanya. While I rematerialized and crashed on the ground, Tanya ceased to exist. It is a paradox and even our oldest and wisest can´t explain it for sure, but for all we know she died and until today not even her soul has reincarnated."

All of us were crying at this point.

"Mórrigan found me a little later."

Diesel went on after we all calmed down again,

"At first she was furious that a man dared to trespass on her land, but soon she saw that I wasn´t a mere human. She brought me to a little Inn and grilled me mercilessly for hours. Believe me when I say she had her ways to find out your darkest secrets if she sets her mind to it. After she was done with me she demanded the presence of my superiors. I will never forget what followed. Unmentionables are very secretive and close-lipped but she had the most already figured out from the little I told her. She negotiated a contract between her and every following keeper of Solace and the Unmentionables. Basically the contract states if the Unmentionables should need her services again she is to be informed beforehand and included in every rescue mission, except in emergencies. I don´t have to tell you she wasn´t happy with us, especially me, after she found out why I was on her land. Mórrigan is also allowed to spill the beans about Unmentionables and Talents if it´s necessary. And she teaches or heals Unmentionables and Talents; and due to the nature of her Talent it´s a pretty good deal for us. In exchange she can request our help at any time no questions asked. Now guess who the lucky bastard is, which is her contact."

"You"

"Yep"

"But you don´t get along very well, which is no brainer why, so why did they make you her contact?"

"That's a layered question, Steph. They made me her contact as retribution for my deeds and to learn from her. And because…" Once again Diesel was hesitant.

"They fear me. According to them I am a Soul protector. Please don´t make me to explain that now, I will later I promise, but I just want to wrap this up here." Mórrigan begged.

"Okay. Diesel just tell me what I need to know now."

"As a protector she is the polar opposite of me. She is a defensive Talent and I am offensive. So whenever I´m near her she gets a killer headache that lowers her defenses around her Core. The Core is for a lack of a better word the life essence of a human. Heart, mind, body, soul it´s everything. As an Unmentionable you gather the life essence of humans to fuel their powers. It sounds cruel but humans' don´t even notice this because their life essence seeps out of their every pore. There is only one exception: defensive Talents, protectors and shields. They protect their cores subconsciously; the headache is the result of my core clashing against hers.

Shields because it´s their nature to shield, and protectors because they are the epitome of good. Like humans Unmentionables can decide if they are good or bad. Every power could be used for both except protection."

"So Ranger is a protector or a shield?" I asked. I would have thought he is a hunter or something like that.

"Yeah I can see why you would think that."

Mindreading I forgot.

"But no he is a protector. The army helped him to become this good. I´m sure Mórrigan can tell you a lot about that too. She also learned skills to enhance her Talent. And now you, little girl. You are a Finder. Your Talent is the counterpart to mine. Where I chase you find. But why you find only bad things beats me, that's Mórrigans field of expertise, if someone is able to help you, it´s her."

"Puh, that's a lot to process. Mórrigan, I know you want to go home but can we crash somewhere? Just for a few hours?"

"You´re right we both need sleep. Diesel pop us over." Mórrigan demanded.

"WHAT?" he cried horrified. "No way."

"Why? What´s the big deal?" I asked.

"In order to pop her she will have to lower her defenses. When she does that my core will immediately feast on hers and she will be terribly sick. I can´t do anything against it."

"Diesel" she growled but I was having none of it. I was to tried and had too much to process to be polite so I simply ordered.

"Mórrigan, shut up. You will not risk your health unless we are in danger. Hop in the back and sleep, Diesel you drive. End of discussion."

And wonder, oh, wonder they listened.

~~~~~oooo~~~~~

*baff – German term for gobsmacked

A/N: I hope you were all able to follow me. If not just ask.

You might have notice that I´m pagan so there will some more of that in my story. I´m also a reader of Marion Zimmer Bradley and I will mention some things from her books too (as far as I remember). But more of that when Mórrigan tells her tale.


	16. Carry you home Part 3

**A/N: **Well, I´m back. For now. I´m Really Really Really Sorry to left you waiting sooooooooo long. I`ll not make excuses like 2012 was one crappy year (which it was) or that all the muses have left me (which they did) or that LIFE happened and I can´t believe years have gone by (which is true)

I´ll only say that the Story waited that I am ready to tell it how it´s meant to be told(which hopefully I am). I will not make any promises about updates. This is the only chapter which is done but I am currently writing the next one "Home" The Tale of Morrigan. I hope you are with me...

For clarification I will NEVER abandon Almost Lover it´s my heart... I can´t really explain but it´s waiting for the right time to be written...

Regarding Ressurection (Part2 of the Betrayal series) well It´s the same like AL it´s waiting for the right time... I completly binned the first script because it was rubbish but i´m already working on Version 2

All my Love

bea

**Song:** Carry you home by James Blunt

**Carry you home**

**Part 3**

I awoke much later when someone shook my shoulder.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty." I opened my eyes and stretched my cramped muscles. I looked around, Mórrigan sat in the driver's seat and Diesel kneeled next to me.

We were on a graveled path surrounded by trees in front of a huge wall with a wrought iron gate.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"Solace" answered Mórrigan.

"Oh, how long did I sleep?"

This time Diesel answered.

"Almost twelve hours. You were really out of it. You didn´t even stir when we boarded the ferry to cross the English Channel."

"Oh."

"I only woke you because this is as far as I´m allowed onto Solace grounds and I wanted to say goodbye."

Diesel gathered me into his arms and hugged me tightly. He whispered in my ear,

"Trust the women at Solace and listen to Mórrigan. She can help you and don´t let this stubborn head of yours get in the way. Don´t worry everything will work out in the end."

He kissed my forehead a last time and vanished. My eyes watered and Mórrigan patted my hand and said,

"Close the door and let me show your new home."

She pressed her thumb to a pad attached to the wall and looked intently at a dark, shiny glass- plate and murmured a series of words and numbers, I didn´t fully understand .

"Fingerprint and retina-scan. Biometric facial-recognition and voice-recognition with a personalized alphanumeric code.

Synchronized in such a manner that the door will only open if all parameters are met at the same time. The program also measures your pulse, blood reassure, sweat secretion, pupil-dilations so if you are ever have to enter Solace under distress or threat the program sounds an alarm so that the appropriate measures can be taken early on. The cameras concealed in the pillars of the gate have already run your picture though our extensive databases. So if you were up to no good, you would be already out cold."

She said by the way of explaining. Paranoid much?

Soon I should learn that it wasn´t paranoia that drove her to take such measures; but experience, the knowledge of the abyss of mankind and such a deep sense responsibility, that it was humbling.

Several moments later the gates swung open. We drove through and Mórrigan stopped the car again. She cut the engine and got out. Leaning on the hood of the car she mention to me to join her. I got out and mirrored her stance and asked.

"What are we waiting for?"

"Who" she said.

"Excuse me."

"We are waiting for someone not something. And look," She pointed straight ahead, "she is coming."

I followed her arm where it was pointing and saw a dark shadow breaking through the trees coming quickly nearer. With an oddly welcoming sounding cry a huge black bird landed on Morrigans outstretched arm.

"Hello little one." She cooed and petted its head.

Little one? This bird must be two feet long and it´s looking at me like I´m lunch. I took a few steps back ready to hide in the car until that beast is gone when it took flight straight at me. I screamed and in my haste to get back into the car I stumbled and fell flat on my ass. Now my screams of fear mixed with screams of pain but the bird was still hovering over me.

"Hold still" Morrigan admonished and broke out into a deep throaty laugh. "She´s just nosy and wants to welcome you" The bird crowed and I swear it sounded like it was laughing at me. And suddenly it landed on my head. I sat stock still, my eyes closed tightly and prayed it didn´t poop on me. It pecked me on the nose and I opened my eyes and looked into a black eye. It felt like I was measured by the bird. Then it ruffled my hair with his beak and flew away. It seems like I have passed its judgment. Morrigan was still doubled over with laugher; must have been a hilarious sight me flat on my ass with that black beast on my head; that's me Stephanie Plum always ready to provide your entertainment. I scraped together what dignity I had left and picked myself of the ground.

"What was that?" I hissed.

Sensing my irritation Morrigan pulled herself together and answered,

"That was my name-giver."

Okay that cleared it up. Not.

"Come on lets go. I need to stretch my legs after the drive." She toed her boots off and started to walk. I reluctantly went to followed her, with shoes. Hey I´m a Jersey girl we don´t walk when a perfectly fine vehicle is right next to us, and certainly not without shoes.

We walked silently for a few minutes, at one point Morrigan left the groveled path and went straight into the woods and left me little choice but to follow her more or less stumbling over stones and roots.


End file.
